I couldn't have been happier while going to high school.

My world was fine. Kerry was fine, and even nightly visits from Kenny, and sometimes Kelly, we were one big happy family. Kenny and Kelly left Kerry and me to sleep in each other's arms. I didn't think life could get any better.

The first year of high school was a hoot.

With Kerry by my side, we had several classes together. We met on the way to classes we shared. We sat beside each other. We were together as much as possible. We went to lunch together, went to gym together, and we met at the front door after school let out.

We reversed the morning trip to school, going back to the Kane house for a snack. Once finished, we went to do chores. We raced each other to the barn, loaded the hay wagon, hooked up the horse, and once in the pasture, I used a pitchfork to toss hay down to Kerry, and he spread it out for the alpacas.

On hot days, we went to the pond to rinse off. On cold days, we raced back to the house to stand in front of the furnace to warm up. We did everything together, and at night, we fell into bed, exhausted, but not too exhausted to get up the energy to make love a couple of times. We always had energy for that.

In the morning we were a tangle of arms and legs, struggling to get up.

We discovered making out the year before, and much of the love making had to graduate from kissing and touching to a point where we were unable to hold off from the sexual pleasure waiting for us once we were too hot to resist temptation. It was nice. It was fun. It's the least I could do for the man I loved.

These were the moments of our lives, and the best moments of my life. Each morning, at first light, I woke with Kerry in my arms. I'd kiss the back of his neck, and squeeze gently.

"It's not time to get up yet," he'd argue. "I'm tired. I need more sleep."

"It's Saturday. There's no school today. Go back to sleep," he'd try.

I'd squeeze him and kiss the back of his neck. If we had time, we'd go at it again for as long as we dared. One thing was for sure, he woke up fast if he was more horny than he was tired, and he always was.

If it was hot, we'd sweat. If it was cold, we'd shiver, but once often wasn't enough. Half walking and half running, we'd straighten our clothes on the way to school. We rarely made it before the late bell rang.

Time was moving almost too fast. As juniors we had even more classes together. We sat together in electives classes. We met to eat lunch together, and we met at the front door when school let out. We were never together enough as far as I was concerned, and I couldn't wait to get somewhere that I could get my lips on his lips on the way home.

It was during our junior year that Jenny became a topic of discussion. Life had never been better. I loved Kerry and Kerry loved me, when he said, "One of us should be seen with a girl. It will look better if one of us took a girl to the homecoming dance."

"Who do you think I should ask?" I said.

I didn't like the direction this conversation had taken.

"I want to take Jenny," he said.

"What should I do while you and Jenny are dancing?"

"Don't be like that. I want to take Jenny to homecoming. It'll look good."

To me it didn't look all that good. To me it didn't look good at all.

I stayed home. I don't know what time he came in. I fell asleep around midnight. I woke up with him nibbling on my ear.

"Cut it out," I said.

"Don't be like that, Josh."

"How should I be? Who am I to you? The boy who holds you and keeps you safe at night? Am I a bookmark for a book you've finished? Am I a fifth wheel?"

"Yes, I had a good time," he said, ignoring my sarcasm.

We didn't talk much for a few days. We were together, but we weren't. I was brusk, hurried. Once he got fed up, he sat staring, arms across his chest.

"I'm sorry. I thought it was a good idea, Josh. I've heard talk. People are saying we might be queer. Is that what you want?"

"This may come as a shock to you, Kerry. We're involved in a homosexual relationship. Ignorant people might say we are queers."

"I'm not queer. I won't be a queer," he said, like it was a choice between chocolate or vanilla ice cream.

"Exactly who was it good for being seen with Jenny. Can you tell me that? It had to be good for Jenny. You're a catch."

"I'm sorry. I'm a kid. I do stupid stuff. This was that. Forgive me."

With his arms around me and his lips on mine, how could I not forgive him.

I remembered Karl's warning.

"We Kanes are a strange breed."

He got married and he liked doing boys. Was that what this was? I said I forgave him. I don't know if I did. Once you've been burnt, you're more careful.

I wasn't capable of being careful with a guy I loved. Kerry Kane was my life. There was nothing else. I lived in the Kane house. I helped with the alpacas. We slept in each other's arms. We went to school together and came home together. Where was there room to be careful?

I wasn't careful after I was invited to Wendy's wedding to the quantum guy.

Rachael came to the Kane's house to ask me to attend. She would be there and she was looking forward to catching up on what I was up to. I decided I would go.

I told Kerry I had to go. I didn't ask him to go. It was no big deal. Yes, I was still angry about Jenny and this was a way to get back at Kerry.

I had been hurt and I figured escalating the rift was a fine idea. I was a stupid kid, but I knew better when I did it.

Had I known the Pandora's box I'd be opening, I'd have never gone. I did want to see Rachael. She'd been a sister to me.

The fall wedding was a big deal in Eagle Point, but I thought I had to do it.

Kerry was casually cool once I returned before dinner that Saturday. We were seniors now. Kelly left the year before, and it was Kerry and me tending the alpaca with a farm boy from across town who helped on weekends. Kerry's father got more involved. He had a full time job and he didn't have a lot of time.

If there was a declared peace and an opportunity to recover our momentum, that was the case. For months we were as happy as we'd been. There was no further dust up until just before Christmas our senior year.

"I want to go to the Christmas dance," Kerry told me.

"I don't have anything to wear," I told him.

"I want to take Jenny. She asked me. I said I would," he told me.

I didn't have anything to say.

He took Jenny to the dance and he ate Christmas dinner at her house. He took her to a dance on New Year's Eve and didn't come home until the day after New Year's day.

I was livid. I never hit anyone. I wanted to hit Kerry. I didn't have any way to deal with what I felt. I left the Kanes and I went back to Stanley's house.

Stanley was sitting at the breakfast table in a robe and with bedroom slippers on his feet. He was eating toast slathered with apricot jam.

"Josh," he said, once I knocked and opened the door.

"Yeah, you mind if I stay for a while?"

"Not like we have a full house. Tell your mom. Want some toast?"

"Yeah, don't mind if I do. You have coffee?" I asked.

I felt sorry for Stanley. His life was his daughters and they'd all left and rarely came home. At least he had mom.

On the first day of school in the new year, Kerry wasn't waiting in the driveway for me. It was the first time we hadn't walked to school together since the day after I first walked into Mrs Frump's class years before.

We were turning eighteen soon. I wasn't sure his father would be able to find enough help to keep the alpacas up.

Stanley talked to Mr Winter and he hired me for evenings and Saturdays. It was a quick stop that sold mostly snacks, sodas, and rows and rows of chips and cakes. It wasn't hard work and Mr Winter was OK.

I was still in school and I sat next to Kerry Kane in three classes. It wasn't like we could stay away from each other. Every time I saw him, the bottom fell out of my stomach and I felt like someone had kicked me in the head. I nodded. He nodded. We opened our textbook and pretended the other one wasn't there.

One day after weeks of silence, he said, "You didn't need to move out."

"Yes, I did," I said. "We were lovers. You stopped loving me. I moved," I said, and the two boys in the next row turned to stare at us.

"Broadcast it to the world, why don't you?"

"Shit happens. You two assholes lose something back here?" I asked.

They turned back around.

I had never dared to be angry. Now, I was angry all the time. I wanted to escape. I didn't want to deal with Kerry Kane.

"Smooth, Josh. Very smooth. You do have a way with people," Kerry said.

I was so angry I got up and walked out of senior English.

I went to the office and told them what I did.

Vice Principal Hays wasn't busy. Someone buzzed him to deal with me.

"Butler, in here," he said in his usual growl.

"You did what?" Mr Hays quizzed me.

"I walked out of senior English. I figured I should turn myself in."

"You'll never make a John Dillinger," Mr. Hays said. "When's the last time you were in the office, Butler."

"I don't think I've ever been here. Just to the counter with notes," I said.

"You get fair grades. You've never been a problem, if I let you off with no jail time, do you think you can make it the last couple of months of school without giving me an ulcer?"

"Yeah, I can do that."

He scribbled something on a piece of paper and handed it to me.

"Give this to your English teacher tomorrow. Get out of here, Butler. I got better things to do than deal with you idiots."

* * * * *

I got to school early and I went to English and asked Mrs Smith if I could move my desk. I was having trouble hearing from the back of the room.

"Sure. Pull your desk over there," she said, pointing to a space in front,

I didn't look for Kerry and I didn't see him. Our view of each other was blocked by half the desks as long as we sat.

I made the same arrangement in the other two classes. Teachers didn't have much to say if a student needed something that might help them learn. I was only two rows over in art class, but the way the desks were arranged, I could avoid looking at him.

I worked at Mr Winter's store as often as he'd use me. During the week in the afternoon, and all day Saturday. I took home desserts each day. It varied from ice cream, cake, and pie. Stanley always thanked me. I told him I'd pay rent. He laughed. If he was going to rent rooms, he'd let me know and we'd work something out. Until then he'd consider me my mother's guest.

"What do you think you're doing?" Kerry asked.

He was standing in front of the cash register where I was stationed, and I looked up from the latest copy of Rolling Stone.

"Working," I said.

"I miss you," he said.

"Good," I said, turning the page and looking back at the paper.

"Why are you doing this? I love you, Josh. Don't you know that?"

"I fell for that once. Look at me now. I'm a working man and in three months I'll graduate from high school and Mr Winter will put me on full time."

"My father will pay you twice what Mr Winter pays you."

"I don't work for your father. I never asked him to pay me anything. I ate his food and lived in his house and fucked his son. That seemed fair enough."

"What do I need to do to get you back?" Kerry asked.

"I can't move in and out of Stanley's house like it's a motel. I live where I live. You want to come over, I might find a little room in my bed for you."

"You would. You won't let me make space in my bed?"

"We did that. Look at me now. Anyway you look at it, our future doesn't look good, Kerry. I've loved you for as long as I've known you. I don't know I want to keep loving you. You're going somewhere I can't go."

He closed in on the counter and put his hand on my hand when I tried to turn the page. I studied his hand as chills ran up my arm and my groin tightens with the knowledge of who he was and what he did to me.

"When do you get off?"

"Closing time in a few minutes."

"Can you lock up now?" Kerry asked.

"I suppose. No one comes in when it's close to closing time."

"Lock up. I have something I want to give you."

"What?" I asked.

"You'll see. Close up. I've got something nice."

I figured I was about to get a lip lock, as Kerry was a good kisser. That was OK. I'd kiss him. I loved him. Of course I'd kiss him. Trust is a funny thing. I could kiss him and trust myself to hold up there. I probably shouldn't have locked up ten minutes early, but no one came in this close to nine o'clock.

"Where'd you go, Kerry?"

"I'm right here," he said, stepping into view.

He was naked as a jay bird. His erection seemed to be pulsing.

I knew I'd regret what I was about to do, but somethings you need to do regardless of how expensive it might become.

"What if someone comes in here? You want to get me fired?"

"Never thought of that. You locked up, remember?"

"Yeah, I did," and he closed in and wrapped his arms around me and gave me one of those ever-last lip locks.

He knew what he did to me and when he got on his knees, it was all over. He unzipped my pants and began licking from the head down as he exposed me and devoured me. I didn't know how long it had been, but it took no time at all for him to get me where he was taking me, and then, being as good at dirty pool as anyone I'd known, he turned around and began rubbing my sagging dick against his inviting ass.

I told myself I wasn't going to do this, but somehow, when he began pushing himself back on me, his tight ring began to send a warm wonderful thrill through my dick and it went straight to my brain. I felt a little like he was sucking me into his ass.

I heard myself panting and I began to sweat as I fucked him as hard as I could. I took my anger out on his ass and the slapping sound became stunning.

When the cum began to rise, my motions intensified, and I lost my connection to where I was and what I was doing. I held on for dear life and regretting coming back to where we stood in Mr Winter's store.

I knew better. I couldn't help myself. I wanted him to put his clothes on. I wanted him just like he was. Kerry lit my fire and any time he pulled something like this, I was helpless to resist his passionate proposal.

No one pounded on the door demanding a Twinkie or Hostess cup cakes. I pictured Mr Winter coming out of his office. After watching for a minute, he said, 'When you're done there, Joshua, can you come back to tell me what you think we need in the way of ice cream bars. Oh, hi, Kerry, How's your dad?'

My brain was screwed and so was Kerry. I couldn't let him do this, but he hadn't done anything. I did it all, and he knew I would.

He broke my heart. Once is enough. I wasn't going back to him. I wasn't going back for more. I didn't know where I was going, but I wasn't playing sucker for Kerry Kane.

I heard Karl Kane saying, "Be careful."

One little fuck wouldn't hurt anything, would it?

As he moved back onto me, the warmth enveloped me from the tip of my dick, down the shaft, dazzling my balls and brain at the same instant. As the warm sheath took all I had to offer. My entire being was inside of Kerry Kane. My life was reduced to my penis where it entered his ass. It was everything at the instant I was drilling frantically searching for relief, satisfaction and the bursting and flashing lights that went off in my brain.

Kerry moaned. I gasped for air.

I was King Kong. I was Superman. I was halfway to the stars when the dam broke and I was blasting away while losing my mind.

Two was enough, or was it three? I wasn't going to do it again.


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"The Road"

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"Kerry's Time"

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