I spent the last year turning myself into a Pawnee. With Li'l Fox and Running Horse at my side, I did what they did. I did it the way they did it. My hope was to have everyone forget I appeared as a white boy with a broke leg.

Once I decided on a plan, I didn't change it. No one treated me like I was an enemy or dangerous to them. From the first time Li'l Fox took me out to walk, people spoke to us as if we belonged there. Li'l Fox always belonged. I thought a lot about the white skin I hide under my breach cloth. I wanted to keep it hidden.

It was obvious to me that if I ever hoped to be accepted as Pawnee, I couldn't let anyone see or talk about what was under my breach cloth.

Indians had a right to fear and hate white people. I didn't want to remind them of my white skin. I changed color in plain sight. Everyone knew what color I was. Mostly I fooled myself into thinking I could hide being white.

I was always with Li'l Fox. I did what the other boys did. I was accepted as a boy who belonged there, no matter what color I was when I got there. The boys could have refused to play with me. That would be like refusing Li'l Fox. He was responsible for me being there. He took responsibility for me before we got here.

Running Horse wasn't sitting next to the wigwam when we came out the next morning. I felt sick at my stomach. Li'l Fox didn't even slow down to see if he might be just out of sight. He was with the other boys in the pasture.

We played together that day. Running Horse was always out of my reach. I could have yelled to get his attention, but I knew he watched me. When I looked at him to get his attention, he looked away. This required some fancy footwork. I'd wait for my chance, and I'd make the next move.

I couldn't get where I needed to go by following.

He was always as far away from me as he could get. When he talked to Li'l Fox, it was when Li'l Fox weren't anywhere near me. I'd asked Li'l Fox what to do, and he'd let me know. I broke it. I got to fix it. He was out of it.

It rained for two solid days. We stayed in the wigwam. Before, Running Horse would come over to see what we was doing.

Medicine Woman sewed leggings for the men in the wigwam. She put down the sewing to cook. Summer was passing. Days was shorter. We'd need leggings under our breach cloth so we stayed warm.

It wouldn't be long before we'd be hunting more. We'd fish less. There was already talk of going to the mountains to hunt deer. I didn't think much about that mountain since I fell off it. The talk was no worry. I didn't fear the mountain. My trip to the mountain ended with me coming here.

Dark Horse sat and hardly moved for two days. Li'l Fox and me tossed a leather ball back and forth. At the cabin, I might read while it rained. In the wigwam I had time to consider who I am and how I wanted to be seen. It wasn't up to anyone but me to present myself in a way I liked. I got to figure a way to get Running Horse to see me the way he saw me before not seeing me at all.

After two days of rain, I needed to get outside to run, play games, and meet with the other boys. The third morning the sun came up. The village dried out, and the stream and creek ran high. We walked to the pond to see how high. The water warmed in the summer and cooled after rains. It was a perfect temperature for swimming. I couldn't wait to get out of my breach cloth and go swimming. It would be the final step in turning my white skin brown.

Nothing changed but the way I felt. I wanted to undo this. How did I do it?

Running Horse avoided me. I expected that. I was in no hurry. I had a plan. I'd wait for him to be somewhere that he would have trouble walking away from. He wouldn't stand up and go the other way if I approached. That was a bad look.

My white skin is what he was drawn to. My being different from the other boys interested him. When he got a chance to get me out of my breach cloth so he could see my white skin, I acted like an idiot. What did I have to hide? We were almost naked all the time, but my shame and his interest collided.

I'd wait until Running Horse showed up again. I was going to act like nothing changed. The first chance I got, I'd get naked. Instead of hiding my whiteness, I'd expose it to the sun until it turned brown.

Hopefully I wouldn't need to get naked in front of the entire village.

Maybe he'd show up tomorrow morning, but when we left the wigwam, he wasn't around. He wasn't with the other boys when we went to play.

"How long is he going to stay away?"

"Li'l Fox no know."

"Tell me what to do. I need to fix."

"Not you to do. Running Horse to do. He have trouble, not Li'l Fox."

Running Horse was not with the other boys.

"Running Horse go hunt," one boy informed us.

He never went hunting alone, until today.

As the day heated up, we ended up going to the pond to swim. For the first time, I kicked my breach cloth off next to the other boys. They all stopped to watch as I went into the water. It was cool and refreshing, and we began to splash, wrestle, and dunk one another. For the first time in several days, I felt better. It wasn't up to me to close the distance between Running Horse and me.

As I was in the midst of dunking Li'l Fox, I looked up to see Running Horse sitting on a log. Two rabbits were beside his feet. He didn't strip to come into the water. His eyes were on me. I moved to leave the water, standing in front of him when the water was at my ankles.

He stared at me and I stared back. He sat still.

I walked until I was close to the log. I was less than an arm's length away. I'd gone as far as I could go. Running Horse needed to do the rest.

His eyes stayed on my very white parts. He finally looked at my face.

"Me touch?"

"You touch," I said.

His hand felt the white skin at the top of my leg. He moved his hand up to where I was brown, stopping where the white stopped. He felt down to where the brown picked up again. He moved his hand around my leg to feel my cheek. His hand moved ever so slowly back to where it started.

"Soft."

I was surprised when he felt my sac. That I didn't expect. I did not flinch or move. He had total access to me and I would not stop him from doing whatever he had it in mind to do. I wanted Running Horse's friendship. I'd stand for it.

His hand moved to my pisser and back to my sac. His fingers felt the curly hair and I tried not to react to his touch, but it felt nice. His touch was like a gentle gossamer cloud brushing my skin. As he felt me, he felt soft skin covering my hardness. As he caressed me, my knees almost gave way.

He lifted himself to lose his breach cloth. I was not surprised that he was complete in his hardness, same as me. I was so white it looked strange in the midst of my very brown skin. His was as brown as my skin. It swelled far in excess of mine bulged. His skin became a perfect sheath for the head of his.

When he stood, I didn't move. The front of him was touching the front of me ever so lightly. His pisser moved across mine as his body pressed gently and firmly against mine. His face touched my face and I stood still for it. He was hot to the touch and when his arms went around me, mine went around him. He pushed harder against me. I pushed harder against him.

Sweat ran down my back as felt how hard and how soft he was to my touch. He leaned his face on my shoulder and pulled me closer without me being able to get any closer. It felt different. His arms around me felt safe. His lips brushing my shoulder made the sweat on my skin run down my back.

"No want hurt," Running Horse said, his lips brushing my shoulder and sending a chill ran through me. I wasn't sure where I was. I wasn't sure who I was. Nothing change there, but I knew where Running Horse was.

He was close. He was very very close. I wanted to keep it that way.

Our bodies rubbed together in a most delicious way.

"You not mad Running Horse?"

"Mad, me no mad. Why you think mad?"

"I want forget white skin is all."

"Me no forget. Me like skin. Me like you. You don't like Running Horse?"

I pulled him close and our lips brushed in way that sent a shock through me. I don't know I intended it to be a kiss, but it became kiss. I like. Did I ever. We stood that way for some time. It was Li'l Fox who cleared his throat.

"We do much for now. More later. You no mad Running Horse?"

This time I meant to kiss him and I did and we parted to find a more private place to discover what these feelings were. I'd only had one experience with being touched by another boy. It wasn't like this. It was wanting a boy to touch me for the feeling it gave. I didn't care who he was. I liked being touched there.

I turned and walked toward the water with Running Horse close behind me. He thought I was mad at him. He was impressive in all ways. Him wanting to touch me that way got my attention fast. What's not to like about Running Horse when he put his arms around me? His hardness and mine met with the same delicacy present in all the touching he did.

I use the word affection because the meaning of the word fits my warm and tender feelings for Running Horse. For most of a week we were at odds, and then I saw my opening and whatever his desire was. Not knowing the feelings that came over me with his touch, affection seems to describe what I was feeling. Affection and maybe relief. I'd answered him with an emphatic no a few days before. I wanted to change that no into yes, which I did that day. I never expected the power in that moment could alter how and what I thought. Not knowing that moment would come, I gave into it and my desire to be Running Horse's friend. I have no doubt that has been done.

While we were reacquainting ourselves, the boys were still in the water. There wasn't a sound I heard. The joyful frolic gave way to watching Running Horse and Tall Willow reintroducing themselves in a way not unfamiliar to them, but unfamiliar to me. One other boy touched me where Running Horse touched me. It was more my idea than his, but he cooperated nicely. Being touched there was pleasant, as I calculated it would be. There was no overwhelming feeling like the feeling that came with Running Horse's touch.

I knew when Noah Blake touched me, it was what he liked doing to other boys, and what I wanted him to do with me. The boys at the pond knew Running Horse's nature. The question was, would my nature allow me to be touched in a way that proved to be more pleasant than any touch I'd known.

When they saw me go along with Running Horse, and do some touching of my own, it was the relief they hoped we'd find.

When Noah Blake touched me, we did it in private, because I knew at school this was forbidden fruit and needed to be done away from the other eyes around.

I could have forgotten the other boys were a few feet away, but I didn't forget. Running Horse took the lead, and I'd follow him anywhere. Actually I followed him everywhere after our first declaration that came with our touching.

As they saw my response to Running Horse, any questions were answered and we demonstrated touching was a good thing. Touching created feeling, and feeling the way I felt when he touched me, was amazing. As with everything Running Horse did, I was sure he did this better than most boys could.

I didn't expect a touch to cure all ills, or redirect the path I took. Everything in the village was agreeable. It wasn't perfect. People were involved. It was good. Compared to the life I had, until I went to the mountain, it was great. I could say no here, change that no to yes, because I meant yes in the first place.

For Running Horse, my response was the right response. I gave in without giving anything. I received his touch without hesitation. His reaction to me made me feel lucky to get a second chance. I liked Running Horse in a way I'd never liked anyone. The feelings he ignited in me were astounding.

I hoped to find a connection with Running Horse that was difficult to break. That day at the pond, we connected in an unexpected way, and it was good.

"Me hot. Need cool off," Running Horse said and he felt my white skin as I walked in front of him to go into the water. Every eye was on us as boys began to splash again, and we joined the fun as the soothing water cooled us down.

Even then we held hands, not wanting to break the spell we'd weaved.

We were soon being splashed and the laughing resumed as the water was comfortingly cool on a day that became hot.

I didn't realize how fast I'd adapt to what Running Horse had in mind. I didn't expect him to know how to turn our misunderstanding around. The power in a touch changed everything. To say he made me feel good wouldn't cover it. I'd never forget the day Running Horse touched me.