Halloween Night

I lay face down on the king size mattress, my left cheek brushing against the Kashmir pillow. I was trying to think of the time my parents had left Lee and me on our own for the first time. It was weird that I was thinking about that at this particular moment. I guess I needed some kind of distraction. My parents had gone on vacation to visit some distant relatives in New York. They had Mrs. Cassidy watch over us but it still felt good to be outside the range of normal familial obligation. It hadn't occurred to me then that this is what life would be like for several years to come.

An island breeze swept through the open windows of the condominium. My nudity made me feel bold as I stared out through the windows. I could see the moon in its meek luminosity as it slowly hid behind a dust of clouds. The rain had finally stopped, leaving behind a fresh scent that rain often leaves behind. A part of the condominium next to us was visible on a certain angle. It made me want to run up to the balcony to see just how close we were to other buildings of this side of Waikiki. The many stars twinkled as if humming along to a silent song. I felt so small, pinned up against the mattress. Don't think about it. I tried focusing on what was inside the bedroom, all the accessories and the electronics. But I couldn't stop my face from grimacing. The sharp contortion of my face was expressing something I was afraid to admit. So I lay there and decided to think about my schedule for the week. But the impact of flesh on flesh kept me from distracting my own thoughts, my own pain.

My nails were digging into the gentle mattress. The smacking sound he was making with our bodies was loud and added to my rosy cheeks. What if someone could hear us? He was groaning. It was subtle. I couldn't hear the words that came out of his mouth. His palms were face down next to mine. It was like he was doing push ups, but only his hips were moving. I bit my lower lip as hard as I could. The bed bounced and shook. I could hear it move below us. He was biting my right ear. Traces of his saliva cooled on my neck. My breaths were harsh, like someone who was desperate for air. He was driving it in faster. I closed my eyes. But I could still feel it. It was like he was ripping me open. I could feel the sparse hairs of his pubes every time he moved his hips towards my body. His face was on my shoulder now. His eyes, too, were closed. I think we were feeling two distinct things that were very different from each other. His movement had a certain rhythm. Sometimes they were rapid, but after a certain point he would slow down in an attempt to prolong our activity. It was at this moment that his movements quickened. His moaning turned into a harsh grunt and his hips smacked into my rear several more times. Finally, he thrust his hips harder than before, pushing his hard penis further and deeper into me. He pulled out a little and pushed again a few more times. He lay flat against my back, kissed my neck, and whispered something into my ear that I couldn't hear. We lay there like that for a few minutes. The contortions of my facial expressions were still there as his cock slowly melted inside my body. When he pulled out and rolled onto his back next to me, I felt something slimy oozing between my thighs from my hole. I didn't move.

He sighed and then chuckled, "Look at the mess you made."

His release was stained on the bed sheet. He lifted me from where he was so my face could be against his chest. I could feel it flex every time he rubbed my back up and down.

"Did you enjoy it?" he asked.

I finally had the strength to move my lips as I heard the loud beats of his heart. The thumping eased to a melodic pace. His chest raised and fell as air filled and left his lungs. My hands lay by the ripple of each side of his ribs. His fingers traced upward on my back and down again, cupping each orb of my posterior with his large firm hands.

"You were kind of rough."

The searing pain in my body had not escaped. It felt like something had ripped me open and it left me wondering if I was bleeding or not.

"Sorry, I guess I got little excited and carried away. I forgot that it was your first time. But did you at least like it?"

"Did you?"

"Yes."

"Then I did too."

My forehead reached his chin and he brushed a few strands of my hair from his face. Moist lips grazed my forehead. I was still hard, and I never had a chance for my own release. But those were selfish thoughts. After a while he fell asleep. I lay there awake, feeling guilty for his bed sheet and for my tearstains on his expensive Kashmir pillow.

*          *          *          *          *          *

One Week Later

Even in my sleep I could feel the rubbery warm tongue caress my fingertips. My hand was beyond the edge of the bed. The long tongue traced along the nails and up across the joints towards my knuckles and down again. My eyes slowly opened. I think Dyno was smiling at me from the floor. I petted her head and sat up. Wooden floors, wall-sized windows, theatre-sized television set and speakers, two bookshelves stacked with DVDs and antique action figures… this was his room. I found a pair of boxers at the foot of the bed and placed them on. Dyno followed me to the balcony where I stared out to the seamless stained sands and furry palm trees. The scent of morning lingered sky high to where I stood. From the corner of my eye I saw a red dot emerge from the rising sun. It quivered closer to the high-rise balcony of Damien's room. Only when it passed me by did I finally realize what it was. The 'akepa were small red birds found in forests around the islands and haven't been seen in Oahu for a very long time. Maybe it was merely a figment of one dreamer's imagination. Or maybe it really did pass me by and had just escaped from a life in a cage. Though it may have been an illusion, a trick in my mind's eye, my heart was still bathed in the glow of that flaming bird.

Dyno nudged me back to reality. I petted her head again and made my way through the bedroom, down the hallway and towards the kitchen. I could smell it. One never forgets the scent of pancakes, French toast, bacon, sausage, eggs and syrup. Surprise escaped itself in my gasp when I entered the kitchen to find Damien wrapped in a bathrobe and a table full of food.

"You really didn't have to cook all this for me."

"Who said anything about cooking? I had it ordered."

The surprise turned into a laugh when I found bags with a restaurant label tucked in the corner of his kitchen. I took a seat facing the window.

"Then you really didn't have to order all this for me."

He handed me a fork and knife.

"Hey, don't be greedy. It's for me too, you know."

I drenched my pancakes in syrup and butter. My heart groaned.

"How much time do we have?"

He was stuffing his face with bread and eggs, sunny-side-up.

"About an hour and a bit before classes start."

I poured milk into a glass and poured orange juice into the other. The milk obviously went with the pancakes and French toast. The orange juice was for the bacon and eggs.

"That's more than enough time," I challenged.

He arched an eyebrow, "Eating contest?"

I reflected his devilish grin with my own.

"I do work in a dessert bar. You don't stand a chance."

"You really think you can beat the captain of the football team in an eating contest?"

Forks were raised and in a few seconds we raced through the bounty of food set on the table. I ate as fast as I could, starting off with the pancakes and waffles. The meat and eggs came last. That was a big mistake as Damien engulfed everything he set his eyes on. It was almost instinctual for him while I was trying to use my brain. His instincts won.

He rubbed his stomach, "I have a surprise for you."

I sat back to let my digestive track do its work.

"Is it a Pepto-Bismol?" I groaned.

He laughed, "No. It's in the closet over there."

Confusion spread itself on the layers of my facial expression.

"Just go to the closet. You won't miss it."

My heavy stomach made it difficult to get myself away from the comfort of sitting. Surprises have been a big part of my life since I can remember. Sometimes they can be good, like that time my dad got me tickets to Bull's game. He couldn't afford them but he had won a raffle at work. I was only five, but I still remember the anticipated feelings of rush and victory. Of course they won that day. It was that game that inspired my pursuit of it. It was a nice surprise. But not all surprises were nice, and I'll always have that one particular tragic night tattooed to my soul. So when I saw what Damien's surprise in the closet I initially saw it as a nice surprise.

"Clothes?" I said more to myself than as a question to him.

He stood behind me with amusement in his eyes. Several shirts, pants, and shorts of various sizes hung together neatly in a corner. A small bough was pinned in the middle.

"No, they're not just clothes, Ethan, they're new clothes."

I laughed, "Some of my clothes are new. I bought them a month before school started."

His hands were by the hips over his bathrobe.

"Did you even hear half the things you just said? 'Some' and 'a month before school started' already poses two large problems concerning your wardrobe."

My fingers swept through the rich fabrics.

"How much did this cost you?"

He looked at his watch.

"Believe it or not, I didn't pay for it. I have a Designer for a cousin who works for different labels. She always told me that I could get clothes from her, though I never bothered till I thought of you. I remembered that you were my brother's size when you tried on his clothes for the Frat party so I ordered a bunch from her a week ago."

I looked away, "You didn't have to. I was ok with the clothes that I had."

I felt his large hand on my shoulder, "No, you weren't. You wore the same thing every three days, and besides I couldn't take all this back even if I wanted too. So it's yours, along with another surprise found in the breast pocket of that shirt over there."

My hand dug into the pocket and found something hard and metallic.

"Now everyone will have a way to contact you. You're the hardest person to reach without a cell phone of your own."

"Damien… I can't…"

He turned my head to face his, "Their gifts, just accept them."

I found the taste of syrup on his lips as our faces were joined. His left hand reached down my stomach.

He pulled a way for a brief second. "You have such a sexy body. My dad could easily get you a modeling deal with his company."

The sides of my cheeks heated with red. He pushed me against the front door. His kisses were hungry and impatient. The football player spins me around and pushes me face first onto the door. I feel his hands by my lower back.

"Damien, we've already done this several times last night."

He whispered in my ear, "Yeah, but you kept moaning for more underneath me."

His large fingers pulled my boxers till they were by my thighs. Before I could protest I saw his bathrobe on the floor. My hands were facedown against the door. I could feel the slimy precum of his cock slide across my entrance. I heard him spit. And in a few seconds he was already pushing his way in. I grunted. He bit my ear while he forced his way in. My legs were shaking. He was much larger than I was so he had to bend his knees, pulling me away from the door. I just kept thinking about all the gifts he gave me and how I should just be thankful for his kindness. He was holding on to my hips now, pulling me in and out as he pushed forward and back. Shouldn't I be used to this by now? He had done this similarly in different positions throughout the week. The pain was still there. Why did it hurt so much? The harsh smacks kept getting louder as his thighs hit my buttocks. I was panting like I couldn't breathe. It was like he had a bag over my head and he was squeezing around my neck, tighter and tighter. I was conflicted. I wanted so badly to satisfy him but what he was doing to me hurt like hell. He then lifted my body and then lowered us down. I was on my knees and elbows facing the door. His knees were on top of his soft bathrobe. Mine were against the cold linoleum floor. He kept pushing it in and pulling it out. There wasn't much lube and the pain was taking its toll. Several minutes passed. He was grunting now, squeezing my flaccid penis. He bent over to bite on my shoulder as he thrust his hips deeper and deeper. Finally, I felt it expand inside of me as his semen gushed from my sphincter. He humped me several more times before he lay beside me on the cold, hard floor.

"My sexy boy, that was good."

He kissed my forehead, hugging me tightly beside him. Even the pain couldn't stop me from smiling. He said it was good. I made him happy and that's all that mattered to me. Blond strands of my hair rested by his neck, my head was by his arm.

"Thanks for the gifts. I feel like I can't repay you for them."

His lips brushed my eyebrow.

"You already have."

My thoughts were drifting away.

"Don't tell anyone this, especially the people in our school, but sometimes I go through my stuff, like everything I own, and I think that maybe I can find something that'll tell me why I'm not well off or why my parents died or why I can't just accept things the way they are or why I wanted to leave the only place I called home so badly… but its all just junk, you know?" I looked away to avoid eye contact, "It's just junk."

I felt his fingers interlace with my own. And for a brief moment I felt like he understood. That moment was the happiest I'd been in a long time.

"Next time don't take the bus to get here. It takes long and there's always traffic in the afternoon during rush hour. Just take a cab or get a ride."

The floor was becoming more comfortable by the second. I nodded, still lost in my thoughts.

"When can I see you again? Alone, I mean."

He thought about for a few seconds.

"Thursday."

He kissed the tip of my nose.

*          *          *          *          *          *

Thursday

My knuckles tapped the door for the third time. I waited patiently, my heart skipping a beat every few seconds. The security guard working today had recognized my face and allowed me to enter without ringing for the room. Static energy pulsed through my veins and reached to my stomach. It was silly, I know, but I couldn't help feeling the way I did. I could easily compare this feeling in the pit of my stomach to stage fright right before a performance in front of hundreds of people all staring with their beady little eyes. There was just something more, something extra about it, like watching your favorite team winning a game, and you keep cheering basket after basket. It's air through the net after that swoosh sound and the feeling of earning every single point that matters. And afterwards you scream at the top of your lungs because victory does that to you. It turns you into a crazy person. Yes, it was silly, but at this moment, at this time, nothing else in the world really mattered except this special feeling. It brought a chill to my spine, right up the vertebrae to the tip of my skull, making my head feel like it was full of helium. Tiny knots tightened in my stomach. After several minutes of waiting the door opened to reveal the surprised look on Damien's face.

I laughed, "You forgot about today, didn't you?"

He was wearing an undershirt that was a bit too tight for his large body and a pair of jeans that I could tell he had just recently bought and had never worn. I still felt underdressed next to him.

"That's right," he finally realized, "I forgot that we were supposed to meet up today."

His hair said otherwise. The football player only ever shaped the strands of his brunette hair whenever he expected to impress someone.

"Listen," he said to me with sympathetic concern, "This isn't a good time."

I walked pass through him and into his condominium. The place had begun to feel remotely comforting after the few times I had been here.

"It's ok, Damien. We can meet up some other time," my mood was still high after seeing the surprised reaction on his face, "I just wanted to see you, anyway."

My head was down, trying to hide the smile that couldn't go away.

My blue eyes finally met his brown ones, "I took the taxi like you told me to. And work finished early today so I was able to pass by the pet store. You were running out of dog food so I bought the one that Dyno can't get enough of."

He had his hands in his pocket, "You didn't have to. That stuff is expensive."

I walked into the kitchen and placed the plastic bag on top of the counter.

"It's ok. I love Dyno, and I've never had a pet before-"

"You should go. This isn't really a good time. I was in the middle of something."

I placed my hands in my own pocket and walked to the door.

"I'm sorry, I should have called or something."

He looked away, "Its ok, I forgot that we had something planned."

"Damien!" a strange voice called out from down the hall, "Is someone there?"

The captain of the football team didn't respond right away. He kept his eyes away from me at first, as if to ponder something completely irrelevant to the current situation. The restroom door down the hallway opened. A figure, wrapped in a white towel waist down, appeared down the hall. A realization came over me and the excited feelings were replaced by something else.

"I heard voices," he said.

Damien remained silent. I didn't recognize this stranger at first. Toned muscles and a lean stomach, these characteristics were what surrounded the vice president of student council on a daily basis. I shouldn't have been surprised.

"Oh hey, Ethan. We thought you were the delivery guy."

I forced a smile, "Hey, Alex."

He was on my basketball team and a talented athlete. He was also a conservative, both in political party and by habit. The dating scene just wasn't his thing. He had told us several times that he rather read a good book or go on an adventure than find a sordid and futile love affair in the school. That's probably the reason that made him one of the most sought out boys of the school. It wasn't just his physique, as envious as it was; it was also his unattached sensibilities. Others could easily interpret this as 'playing hard to get'. So it made perfect sense for someone in an exclusive and popular position to have a goal in seducing him. And Damien won, despite all odds.

His hands were by his hips, "What are you doing here?"

"Brown member stuff."

He glanced at Damien who still remained silent.

"Well we did order dinner; you're welcome to stay if you want. Our vice president was just telling me how his dad could get me a modeling career."

I felt like throwing up.

"I'm not hungry and I need to head out."

His cheeks went red, "This must be embarrassing for you as it is for me. I'll see you on our next game then."

I smiled back and walked out the door. My steps were fast and rushed. I kept my head down and bit my bottom lip as hard as I could. The skin around my scalp began to itch and sweat. My face was heated and red. I was almost near the elevator before Damien called out to me. I had never noticed the interior design of the hallway. There were columns on each corner and a large window next to the elevator overlooking the tennis courts below. He had caught up and his bare feet were vulnerable against the cold marble floor.

"Wait."

I turned to him, forcing the most pleasant smile upon my lips.

"I'm sorry I disturbed you. Alex is a nice guy. You should go back to him."

He averted eye contact, staring at a corner somewhere.

"Please don't look at me like that."

I continued to smile, as if I found what he was saying amusing.

"What do you mean?"

"It's the same look you give whenever you talk about your parents. It's just weird."

My eyes sparkled and I forced a subtlety to my smile. I hadn't realized that I made people uncomfortable whenever I talked about my parents. They died a long time ago, but their memories were alive within me. A confusing mix of sadness, happiness, regret and joy were part of my story telling.

"I'm sorry."

The concern written on the contours of his face turned into an angry expression.

"Stop saying that! God, you are so fucking stupid."

He caught himself, regret seeping into his anger, "I didn't mean it like that."

I continued to bite my lower lip, "Its ok. You're probably right, anyway."

He rubbed his nose with his index finger.

"This, whatever this was, it wasn't going to go anywhere."

I looked away for a brief second, to stare out on the window. An orange haze faded into a deep dark violet, the sun setting like it always does.

"What did I do wrong?"

The anger dissipated into a slight annoyance with a hint of weariness.

"I told you," he said calmly, "From the very beginning that I wasn't looking for anything serious. And you were the one who asked to get laid on Halloween night."

He was right. He did say something along those lines the day after we had met and I had propositioned myself to him.

"Then what is it that you want?"

I had moved already, taking a few paces. The elevator button glowed under my fingertips.

"I like things the way they are."

The fake smile was leaving me. I couldn't afford to look vulnerable.

"What does that mean?"

He sighed, "Do I really have to spell it out? We have fun, fuck around, and leave."

I nodded.

"Then I'm sorry that I wasn't good enough for you."

He grumbled, "You're not listening. It's not even about that."

There was a painful silence between us that lasted longer than I wanted it to. The elevator door opened. I walked in, not planning to say anymore. Words were becoming meaningless. He approached just outside the entrance. Sun rays hit his face, making it glow brighter on this particular afternoon. The shade of his eyes changed from a soft brown to a cold hazel.

I smiled again, "A good fuck was all you wanted from me, wasn't it?"

"Don't let this get to you," he said as the elevator doors separated us.

The last glimpse he saw of me had lost its smile. For that split second my body language and facial features were exposed. I don't know if it mattered to him, but I still didn't want him to see me that way. And when those doors closed that's when it really hit me. The wind was knocked out of me and it was hard to breathe. I held my stomach and backed myself against the wall. My body felt like gravity was forcing it to the ground and I sunk lower till my knees were by my face.

I whispered to myself, "Damien, I'm so sorry, but I'm just a weak boy."