There we were parked in front of Greg's house and we had said everything that needed to be said. I stood at the passenger side door trying to figure out the logistics of getting a man with a forty pound cast on his leg out of the backseat of a car. I tried sliding him, pulling him, and maneuvering him up out of the well to no avail. He stayed firmly planted in the seat.

Finally he got the idea of twisting in a way that I could guide the cast around the door while he was scooting his butt down onto the door jam. Then I put the cast down on the gravel and leaned down so he could wrap his arms around my neck so I would pull him up. I wanted to kiss him or at least throw him down on the ground and make love to him, but I didn't. By the time I got him to the back door the stairs looked daunting to both of us. There were only four of them but they were starting to look pretty steep and we were both worn out.

One at a time we worked together until he was standing on the back porch, wanting his crutches. I opened the door, stood out of the way, and he charged into his party. There were nine people. I knew Charlie, Billy, Timmy, and Alfie. There were two girls and other guys I recognized from one party or another but hadn't gotten to know well enough to remember the names that went with them.

"He's back!" Someone shouted, and laughter boomed in the room.

I stood next to the fridge and watched the smiling faces, handshakes, and the tall thin girl with long brown hair hugged him intimately, planting a wet kiss on his too ready lips as he leaned hard on the crutches in a weary posture that only I could see. There wasn't anything said that I could understand, just a lot of jabber, back slapping, and name calling, and another kiss, two.

He was still the king. For a night anyway. I couldn't be too enthusiastic, but he didn't ask me for applause or approval as he worked his way back into his life. He was too busy catering to the crowd that came to adore him. A beer was thrust into his fist and he threw his head back and drank about half before balancing it in one of his hands. I remembered New Years and the beer I brought up to his bedside. The party swirled on around him and without me, but then I was noticed, merely by accident.

"Hey, Martin. Where you been?" Alfie asked. "I never see you around anymore.

"Just around," I said, moving around Greg and taking a beer to act like I really wanted to be there, but I didn't. I had no urge to be there when things went back to the way they were.

Greg stayed busy entertaining people with his stories and jokes about his appearance and the accident that almost took his life. He sipped from his beer and in about a half an hour he handed it to me, like I wanted his hot beer. He turned toward me far enough for me to see he was in distress. I felt a twinge of pain for him and feared he was over doing it to the point he might be getting sick again.

"I need to find a place to sit. Maybe the couch?" He suggested to only me. "I don't think I can make it by myself. Will you help me?" He asked, handing me a crutch and raising his arm for me to fit under.

His weight sagged on me and I felt needed for the first time since we arrived in the house. Everyone got quiet as we eased along for the ten paces it took to get him to the couch in a darkened living room. He took one individual step at a time, pausing between each to regroup. I was sure there was pain but none that he mentioned.

He held me around the neck, pressing his too warm face against mine, as I wrapped my arms around his chest right in front of the entire party, but no one thought it was as sensual as it really was. I eased him down until he was resting against the soft cushions of the sofa. He let out a sound that told me he was even more exhausted than he looked.

"Thank you," he whispered in my ear.

"You think you should lie down?" I asked. "You look tired."

"Not yet, not with them here. Maybe in a few minutes," he answered softly. "I don't want them to go so soon. It's been awhile."

It had been awhile and when I tried to return his beer to him he held up his hand and refused. I asked him if he wanted a cold one and he declined the offer, looking very tired doing it, and asking me for ice.

"Greg, you look really tired."

"I know. Just a few more minutes, Martin, okay? Maybe tell the guys for me, it's been a long day."

"Yeah, sure," I said, no longer thinking of myself but once more worrying about my love making himself sick again on his first day out.

I circulated and let everyone know how tired he was. Each time I mentioned it there were long sullen looks aimed at the living room where he now sat alone. By the time everyone knew the party was almost over, I looked at the couch and there was the brown haired girl, Nancy somebody, seated beside Greg with her hands suggestively planted in his lap. A sudden burst of rage ran through me as I closed in on the scene.

"Hey guys!" Greg announced as though he had just gotten his second wind. "I'm beat. I hate to run you off but I've got to get my beauty rest. As you can see, I really need it."

"I bet you do," Billy said, eyeballing the hands in his lap and giving a knowing smile.

It was a fairly cheerful parting as they left in groups of two and three with Nancy hanging on until everyone else had gone but me. She gave me a look like my services were no longer required, although I wasn't convinced yet. I couldn't see her lugging Greg around the house. I stared at Greg and couldn't miss the rise in his pajamas and the hand that addressed it in small motions, and then I got an even bigger surprise.

"Hey babe, why don't I stay and nurse you this weekend." Nancy offered her services unselfishly along with more suggestive caresses.

"Hey, babe, I'll give you a call if I need you, but I'm covered, you know," Greg said, her hands still occupied by his ardor while she analyzed his words.

"Why the hell did you invite me all the way over here if you didn't want to ... ?" And her eyes became full of me while she didn't say what she really was interested in nursing, but we all knew exactly what she was after.

"Why? I wanted to tell you I'd give you a call some time and I will, probably. You had your shot, babe, and you blew it. I'm a bit tired now. You don't mind," Greg said, suddenly sounding exhausted for her.

Nancy left, mouth wide open, and her hands lost for something to hold. I couldn't help her there but I could certainly understand her disappointment, not that I cared. I was amused at Greg's choice of words and how he had played a hand I'm sure he had been holding for a long time.

"You tired, babe?" I asked.

"Shut up. Don't call me that. It makes my skin crawl."

"How long have you been waiting to do that to her?"

"Since I knew I was going to make it. She never came by one time. All she wanted was a big dick and mine was handy."

"I'd say it was. I'm sure she had plans for it," I said.

"Yeah, well, if you shit in one hand and wish in the other, you know what you end up with in the end?"

"Depends on which end you're speaking about."

"Don't give me any ideas, big boy. She did get me hard, you know, and that just don't go away by wishing on it."

"You want a shower before bed?"

"Martin, I'm beat. I haven't had a shower since forever. One more night won't hurt the smell none."

"You could have fucked her first and then dumped her," I said, holding his hand as I sat down in Nancy's place.

"I'm not suicidal. I saw the way you looked at her. You wanted to tear her hair out. It's a wig by the way, but I still didn't want to see it come to violence. She's history anyway. It was only an exercise in paybacks."

"Remind me to never get you pissed off at me. I don't think she'll be sitting by the phone waiting for your call, is my impression."

"You don't know what the kid can do for the ladies. Once I fuck them they're never the same," Greg bragged, squeezing my hand and watching my eyes.

"Is that what this was all about?"

"No, I wanted to see the guys. She was just an afterthought. Nice touch huh? I figured it would be a good way to let her know how much I appreciated her loyalty. The lame man's equivalent of, We'll do lunch."

Well there was no questioning my loyalty. I don't know why I felt so absolutely in rapture, but I did. For all the months I sat by his bedside this was the first time I knew he wanted me beside him. He'd had his old friends over and a couple of his "ladies", and when the smoke cleared, I was the only one left standing, and that was enough for me.

"We can sleep on the bed in the television room," Greg said with a tired impishness in his words. "We'll have room and you won't need to get up and go home. Man, that sounds so good. A whole bed and I don't have to wait for you to show up in the morning."

"My get up and go got up and went," I said. "I'm tired too."

"Think about how I feel. You only have to move the cast around, when I'm coming and going. I've got to lug it no matter where I am. Sure is great being able to lug it anywhere though."

It took awhile to get him into the television room. We had to stop every few steps for him to rest. With my arm around him he seemed thin and weak, weaker than I had realized. We stopped just inside the television room and he looked it over like he wasn't sure he remembered it. I leaned him against the wall and pulled out the couch. It was a familiar couch that had a lot of memories wrapped up in it for me.

I eased him back until the cast came off the floor and the bed carried the weight for him. He pulled off his shirt and the sweat lined his numerous rips. His chest was still shaped nicely but there was no flesh to back it up. He closed his eyes immediately and I wiped the sweat off his face and chest with a towel I got from the bathroom.

"Wouldn't hurt my feelings if you washed me down some. I'm rank. The nurses did it at night, after you left."

I returned with a bowl of warm soapy water and started with his face and then did his arms. The hair under them seemed denser than before. He stayed motionless as I took care of all the areas above his waist.

"You can do my legs. I can't sleep in these things anyway. They bunch up in my crotch."

There were snaps all the way up the leg with the cast on it. Neat invention, I thought, as I stripped him naked, save for the cast. He lay on his back in the middle of the bed with his arms out like he was in the middle of making snow angels, only there was no snow for him. His eyes stayed closed as I did his now good leg, as good as he had anyway, it gave rise to things that were in need of a more devoted kind of attention.

"I really wanted to fuck her you know."

"Who?"

"Right! Fancy Nancy. You know how hard it was blowing her off? Just getting her lips on it would have finished me off."

"No! But I can see it was pretty hard ... blowing her off that is."

"Very funny! You know how long it's been since I got laid?"

"No! I really don't keep the figures on that."

"It does create a certain need," he said, now standing up completely, having lost none of his luster there.

"You seemed pretty tired, Greg."

"Yeah, worked too. Got you right where I wanted you. You aren't going to leave it like that? I mean, you are here to take care of me. Aren't you? I think it might be unhealthy to leave it that way. Maybe scrub it up some. Shouldn't take much scrubbing, you know."

"Greg!" I said, working the towel up into his crotch and already knowing I was going to do what he wanted me to do without him saying anything, but I decided to make him wait for it. Washing it was fun too. He winced when I squeezed.

"That puppies loaded for bear," he observed with a distinct shortness of breath in his voice.

It pulsed and jerked and in the bright light I could see how damn wide that fucker got when he was hot to trot. Greg was a man among men and seeing it in a state of total readiness had my mouth going dry at a time and in a situation when that might not necessarily be advantageous. My sadistic side had me working it for all it was worth without working to get him any closer to where he wanted to go.

"Martin!" He said, as my hand moved around it and onto his belly. It was flat, almost concave from the days when all his food came from a tube. The rabbit tracks were now broken and sparse but a little darker than in the glory days. I kissed his chest and looked into his closed eyes as he seemed helpless and on the ragged edge.

"Oh, man, you're killing me here," he said, gritting his teeth as my hand caressed his skin until I fisted his dick some more.

I let my lips touch his and his eyes came to life as one of his hands held my head in place. After having a good look, they closed again, but his tongue was all mine and his other arm came into play.

There was always a timeless quality to Greg's kisses. I don't know if I was lost inside of his head or if he became lost inside of mine, but while kissing him there just wasn't anything else of importance in my life. Once our lips merged, they created some unexplained force. The longer the kisses the better they were for me. I couldn't imagine ever giving that feeling up or doing anything to water it down.

I think at those times Greg was completely mine and I was his and the world went away with all its complications and demands. No one had to think about what we were supposed to do or be. There was no need for thinking and no reason to speak, because in the loving was our reason for existing, and once you've loved, there's nothing that compares with it.

After you love someone giving yourself to them the world can go to hell, and as long as you're together, it doesn't matter. Greg and I were together that night like we had never been together before, and nothing else did matter. We were together in my mind as well as in my heart and soul.

I couldn't help but remember how he had dismissed Nancy and somehow that made all the difference to how I felt about how he felt about me. Don't worry, it doesn't make much sense to me either, but it somehow seemed to belong here. I had gotten the answer I was hoping for.

I got up and turned out the light, undressing before I returned to bed. There was no fear that someone would burst in on us or that it would be time for meds or some other routine that was always beyond our control. It was just me and him and I was surprised just how much of him was there and how needy he was.

All the worries about his exhaustion were lost in waves of exhilaration. Every time I finished with him, he started in on me. I wanted to kiss him some more, but that was impossible in the position he put me in. Of course I wasn't about to complain. Greg was certainly right about one thing, once he loved you it wasn't going to be easy to find anyone who could do as much and as well as he did. With the complete and entire devotion he gave to the activity, both giving and receiving, it was all I could do to keep up.

... And in my worry about his exhaustion, I was the one that gave out before he did. The human capacity never ceased to amaze me and Greg's was greater than most. He didn't know what stop or wait meant. If you were going to make love, you then were obligated to make love relentlessly and without inhibition. How he could manage such a thing with that cast on his leg, I'll never know, but mine is not to wonder why, mine is but to do and to satisfy my love as often and as well as I could.


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"Discovering Love" Copyright © 1 September 1997 OLYMPIA50. All rights reserved.
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