Discovering Love by Rick Beck    Discovering Love
by Rick Beck
Chapter Fifty-Five
"Sunday Silence"

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Greg's outing had worn him out. We didn't wake him for dinner but I took him food and sat with him while he was awake for a couple of hours. There was a roaring fire going in the fireplace when I came out of the bedroom. Everyone was sitting around in the living room with one exception, Augie was nowhere to be seen.

There was a card game, small talk, and the food just kept on coming. There was ice cream, cake, and pie, and plenty of chips and Coke. Everyone was content to play for some time but I was still worried about Greg and not concentration on the game. I guess getting slaughtered requires some excuse, but I didn't win a hand and certainly not the game.

The idea that Greg would get plenty of rest and be a live wire when I went to bed wasn't true. I lost at cards and I lost at love, although the events at the river that day, was a keeper for my memory banks. I was far more tired than I thought and I fell asleep right after establishing that Greg wasn't going to wake up for a period of fun and games.

I don't know what time I woke up but it was getting daylight and Greg was already awake, staring patiently at the ceiling, waiting for my help.

"I've got to go," he said, sensing my awakening.

"Come on, I'll help you," I said, going around to his side of the bed.

Throwing back the covers, I found he was in an extreme state of erectile bliss.

"Why don't you use the bottle," I suggested.

"I want to stand up and pee in the toilet like a man. It's one of my few luxuries, you know."

"I've got to put those damn pajamas on you?"

"No! Pop'll already be outside. Mom and Doug will sleep until noon if no one gets them up."

"You want to go naked to the bathroom?"

"No! I've got my cast on. I'll tuck it into my cast if someone comes along."

"Yeah, right. I don't think you can tuck that thing anywhere as hard as it is."

"I was thinking about yesterday."

"Augie?"

"With my brother. You notice how when a dick head gets near Doug's ass, it just sorta sucks it inside."

"Greg!" I said.

"You've fucked him. It's like a warm mouth sucking you up."

"Greg!"

"You're so proper all the time. When are you going to loosen up? Doug knows what he likes. You know what he likes. I sure as hell know what he likes. Me saying what he likes isn't giving away any national secrets."

"You're in a strange mood today. I don't like talking about someone like they're a piece of meat."

"Jesus, that's not even what I said. Fucking him is like an experience is all I'm saying. Doug is good because he really likes it up the ass. Watching him take Augie was hot. Well, wasn't it?"

"Yes, hot," I reluctantly agreed while getting up under his arm and starting him toward the door.

"Augie's no little boy. He's near about as thick as me. Not nearly as long but almost as wide, and Doug had no problem with him. You know I wanted you. There was no way I was going to talk you into anything down there but I wanted you so bad. I figured if I jacked off you just might... you know."

"If you'd let me in on what you wanted I might have given you a hand."

"Yeah, well, I have a hand of my own. That's really not what I had in mind. While my brother was taking it up the butt, I was more thinking in that area."

As we got to the door he grew quiet. He leaned out in the hall to make sure the way was clear and he couldn't hear anyone moving around. We eased our way to the bathroom, where he stood and we waited.

"Better help me aim it. If I don't hold onto the wall and you, I'm going to end up pissing in the air while lying on my back."

"You sure we're here to piss?"

"Yeah, I'm sure but my dick ain't got the message yet. Once he sees the toilet, he'll figure it out."

I'd wanted to touch it since I pulled the covers down but I wasn't sure what was best for him at the time. When I did grab on and point it down at the water, it let go with a shiver and he let go with a sigh that was more on the order of a stifled moan.

"Maybe that wasn't such a bright idea," he said.

"Why's that?"

"I told you I've been thinking about yesterday. I've got to piss and I need to cum and that's not a real good mixture at the moment. Your hand makes it think it wants to cum. Why didn't you wake me up last night? You knew I was horny."

"Greg, you got off twice at the river and I'm not sure how many times I got you off the night before. I didn't want to bother you."

"Well, now you see what happens. It was five times and that was way earlier than last night."

"What was five times?"

"You got me off five times."

"You want me to jack you off?" I asked, wanting to help.

"I told you I've got a hand, Martin."

"Well I'm not blowing you here. I'm worried someone will walk in the bedroom while I'm doing that. I'm not doing it in here."

"I really need to piss," he said, sounding sure. "It's starting to hurt."

I did the only thing I knew to do and put a finger on his butt hole. He flinched but raised no objection. Once I broke through and slipped it past the muscle, he started to squirt a couple of erratic bursts of piss.

"It burns. I'm not like Doug. You notice he doesn't have any hair back there. You think he shaves it?"

"No, he doesn't shave there."

"I've got hair everywhere down there. You got hairy everywhere down there. Why doesn't he?"

"He's smooth. He's delicate. I guess he doesn't grow hair there yet."

"Herbie use to say it was like fucking a girl."

"What did you say to that?" I asked.

"I agreed with him."

"Greg!"

"You know we use to do that. Hell, we slept together until we moved here. I'd just roll over and there he was and as soon as my dick got close to his hot spot, he was after it."

"Greg! I don't have to know everything."

"You think Herbie and I ruined him for girls?"

"No, he's got Cheryl and they really like each other."

"Good, I'd hate to think I ruined my own brother. It wasn't like he wasn't all for it. We all started on that way too young. I worry about it sometimes."

"I think Doug knows what he likes and likes what he likes and you and Herbie merely furnished him with what he'd have found on his own otherwise."

"Augie tried," Greg said as the pee starting running, and running, and running.

"He did more than that," I said.

"You let him fuck you?"

"What are you talking about? I haven't been with Augie. Not anything serious."

"He tried to fuck me," Greg said, sounding a bit sheepish.

"You let him?" I asked.

"He didn't. He just tried."

"You let him?"

"We were wrestling. It was some time after we saw you doing Doug in the middle of the trail."

"That wasn't my idea," I defended.

"I may not be a genius but I had already figured that one out, Martin. Doug has an appetite for it. You just wait until someone politely asks you to put it somewhere."

"Why were you so pissed off then? I mean you're telling me all about Doug. Why did Doug being Doug and me doing that to him make you so angry? As I recall you dismissed me as someone you never wanted to cross paths with again," I reminded him as I held his fast emptying and softening dick.

"Very funny, cross paths again. You should be a comedian. Want to wet a washrag and maybe wash some of this shit off me. I'm covered in it. I'm starting to smell like a cum factory. It seemed like a good idea at the time but we all pumped out major loads. Except for you because someone didn't say, please Martin, won't you shoot a load on Greg while we're at it."

"Greg! Sure I can wet a washcloth. Let's get you back in the bedroom first," I said, helping him back down the hall.

When I came back with the washrag he was covered up to his waist and so I started with his arms and underarms first, working over to his chest, and then down to his stomach. When I peeled back the blanket he was working on another boner. I did his thighs and between his legs and then his balls and by that time he was standing tall.

"We were wrestling."

"You and Augie," I said, still having a bookmark on that conversation.

"Yeah, he was always wanting to wrestle me."

"He doesn't wrestle with Doug."

"That's because Doug gives it up without a struggle."

"Greg! Cut it out."

"Martin! You are so naive. What do you think we're talking about?"

"I don't talk about being with someone."

"Oh, so you were with Augie."

"No."

"Well, you're not talking about it and you said that's when you have done something. I listen to what you say."

"You're hopeless."

"Horny too. Why don't you wash on that some," he said, making it twitch so I had no trouble knowing what he wanted washed.

"You got a hand," I reminded him.

"Yeah, but yours is way softer than mine."

"We are talking about my hand, right?"

"You don't talk about it except when you want to talk about it, that it? I wanted you to cum on me too. I never figured how hot that would be. I mean my own brother standing there pumping up a load to shoot on me. I'd a kicked that little fucker's ass for that if I had two good legs. Hell, one good leg."

"I've only cum on you a hundred times," I said, getting a good grip and massaging firmly until he closed his eyes and parted his lips to let out the overheated air.

"I mean yesterday when they did it. You aren't pissed off about Augie doing that? I figured you'd get pissed off. He owed me one and he just picked a weird time to pay up. Hot fucking time. How they come up with doing that in front of me? They knew what they were doing."

"You were only jacking off while you watched them. Owed you one what?"

"You like him. I mean, like him as in sexually."

"He's okay."

"You like him. I like him. He tried to fuck me and he's got that self lubing dick, you know. That's wild. I wish mine did that. I'd save a fortune on Jergen's lotion. That's how you can tell if he's just being a stud and getting hard or if he's wanting action and is turned on. Anyway, he'd tried while we were wrestling. He can't help himself."

"To fuck you?"

"Yeah, like that. He had my arm up behind me, riding my ass, you know. I let him get the best of me to see what he'd try, but he's strong and a damn good wrestler. Anyway he got that self-lubing job up in my crack and the next thing I know he's really working on my hole with it. It's not what I intended, although I got pretty hot at the time. He was so determined.

I never got hot thinking about it before. Anyway, it hurt and I made him stop and he was like really worked up when he rolled off me. I mean just humping my hole had him ready to pop. I reached over and felt it because it was way thick and red, really red. Man's got a thick dick for sure. Not as thick as me, but probably as close as I've seen. Anyway, when I start feeling it, he's got this pitiful look on his face. I can see how bad he needs it, and my hand is just fine."

"You haven't seen Van," I said.

"Van's the guy Augie runs with? They seem tight. That tight?"

"Yeah, that tight."

"He's big? He'd be big down there."

"Well, yeah, pretty big," I said, not wanting to diminish Greg's image of himself. "Go ahead with what you were saying. It was just getting interesting."

"So his dick is super hard and he's pushing it at my fingers. He grabs my wrist with both hands and he's fucking my hand. I mean like really fucking away."

"After you wrapped your fingers around it so he could."

"Yeah, like that, and he's juicing all on my hand and in about a minute he's got this industrial strength cum firing up on his chest. He's got a good chest, you know, and he coats it with this thick cum of his."

"So he paid you back yesterday and it didn't take him much longer to get you off. You never get off that fast when I'm doing it."

"Something about that guy gets me going. On account he's such a man, I guess. I can't imagine him doing that to me. Doug... I have no trouble imagining him giving it to Doug. I mean Augie's the kind of guy that's all fucker and not the least bit fuckee, you know. I think I like a guy that's studly. Not many of us around."

"Yeah, well, he might not be all that studly," I said, picturing Van feeding the biggest dick I'd ever seen up his ass. "He's been in jail you know."

"Yeah, I know, but he was the fucker. No doubt in my mind. Nobody could fuck him. I tried and he wouldn't let me near it."

"Oh, you tried to fuck him."

"Yeah, but I knew it wasn't going to happen. I was losing interest when he got on top of me and well, I told you what happened. There was no plan. I was seeing where it would go."

"Yeah, you did, and I'm wondering why."

"So none of it makes you at all mad at me? You're just all of a sudden happy no matter who I'm doing what with? Or you'd like to see me get my ass fucked, and the harder the better?"

"No, Greg. It made me as hot as it made you. I nearly shot in my shorts. Beauty is beauty and lust is lust. It's all good."

"Doug's the beauty. I'm not. Those shorts," he said, looking at my bulging underwear.

"It's this or nothing. I forgot to pack my swim suit."

"Yeah, sure you did. Someone invites you to a river and you forget to pack. You thought all us country boys would be showing you are dicks all weekend. So sad for you."

He reached up to pull my shorts to my knees and I was getting the bath after that. Greg was odd that way. A lot of times he wouldn't even go near it and then at times like this he went straight for it. I wasn't sure what was really going on with all the confessing and explaining, because he wasn't someone that felt he had to explain himself to anyone. Greg just was, and that had to be good enough for you if you wanted to be close to him.

I accepted Greg pretty much on his own terms, but his terms were changing before my eyes. It took a few minutes for me to figure out why. Of course just then I wasn't doing my best thinking because his mouth had my mind completely occupied, not to mention my dick. What was behind Greg acting like he did was a mystery, but when he decided to act like he liked me, he left no doubt how skilled he was at taking you where everyone wanted to go.

Getting service from Greg was enough to get me going big time. At this particular point in time I was hot to trot and the fact he never let up on me, until I was trotting big time, and then he still kept going, until I was ready to fall down, and then he made room for me on the bed, once I'd given him all there was to give, he hit me with the question of the day.

"You think I might die?"

It wasn't a question I had considered, although I had considered his death by this time, just not in such blunt terms from the person in question. We all might die. I'd bet on it.

I lay silently beside him, one of his arms was over my chest in an unusually affectionate pose for Greg. He failed to clarify or simplify the concept of his death for me. It ran around the inside of my head for the longest time and then the question became something more meaningful.

"Is that what all this has been about, Greg?" I asked, turning on my side to snuggle against his warm soft skin, putting my around him, watching him stare at something I still was unable to see.

"I don't want you to be alone. Augie or Doug would be good for you. My brother is cool even though I never tell him. When you think about it, you are a better match with him. I'm an asshole about half the time and I've got the sense of jackass. I mean I know it. I know you love me. No one could put up with what I put you through and not. I love you, Martin. I want you to be happy. I want to know you will be happy if I should... you know... if that happens. I can't be what I'm not. I'm not a nice guy. I'm a dick in more ways than one."

"No, I don't think you will and quit trying to fix me up. I'm with you. Why don't you want me at the hospital? Who else will sit by your bed and put up with you?"

"No one. You're going to flunk out and you're too close to graduation to pull shit like that. You're almost there. You can't do me no good. I mean they're all going to be there. It's not like I can tell them not to come but you can't do me any good by missing more school. If you go to school and go to classes, then it will be over by the time you're on the way home. Besides, I'll be in the recovery room. You won't be able to see me."

"Yeah," I said, unable to get to where he wanted me to go. "You think my mind would be on school work? I want to be with the man I love, when the man I love is in trouble. I'm not having any problems with school. I'll pass."

"I was always jealous of you," Greg said out of nowhere, "That's why I gave you such a hard time. You were so sure we were going to be lovers. I don't care how many guys I've fooled around with. I wasn't going to love any of them. It's about cumming. It's about watching them try to do what they think they can do with my dick. I can't count how many guys want my dick. I guess it's something to do but you wouldn't take no for an answer. You wouldn't give up on me, and I guess the fact I couldn't run you off meant I didn't want to any longer."

"Jealous of me? You, The King?" The idea of the most attractive man I ever knew being jealous of me was funny. "You can have anyone, and usually do."

"You're so damn loyal. You're a real good guy. I mean REAL good guy. I'm such a jerk. I've gotten everything I ever got with my dick and my boyish charm. It's always been about getting what I wanted and then you come along, and from the first time I see you, I know, you're big trouble. I need to stay away from your ass, but I never could. You wouldn't let me.

"That day on the path when I saw you with my brother, fucking him right there in front of me, I lost it. I didn't think we'd ever be together because if that's what you liked than I was outclassed by Doug and I knew it. I suppose that's why I let Augie try. I wanted to see if I could change. Take a little of what I give out. I mean I was going to take it from someone as big as him. Of course starting off with the biggest one around might have been flawed thinking. No way I was letting him shove that damn salami up my ass. I'll take my chances yours will be easier on me."

"You saying I'm small? Well, I'm insulted. Look Greg, you are overpowering at times but I've always known what you are. I also knew that inside there somewhere was this really neat guy I wanted to know. While most guys never get past your dick, I didn't see you that way."

"You wanted to fuck me, you mean. I saw the way you looked at my ass," he said. "I was there, remember?"

"I'd never been with anyone, so no, I didn't think of that, but I did notice you had one hell of an ass and the way it filled those skin tight jeans was pretty awesome. I'd never looked at a guy's ass the way I looked at yours. I never noticed anyone the way I noticed you before that day. I knew I was going to fall in love with you. I didn't know what that meant. I did know how I'd do it, but I knew I would."

"I knew it too and it pissed me off. That's funny, you know. I've never known anything before. I knew you were trouble. I knew it before you ever said a word. You were going to make me admit what I was and that pissed me off. I wouldn't allow it, and then I did."

"That seems like a million years ago. I've never known anyone like you, Greg."

"I said, 'I love you.' Aren't you going to ask me if I really love you?"

"No," I said. "Not now. Once you're healing up and know you aren't going to die, I'll ask you then. After all this time, I'm in no hurry."

"If you really loved me, you'd do me one favor," he said.

"I'm not going with Augie or Doug or anyone else you have in mind, Greg. I'm not in love with them. I'm in love with you. I think I'll always be in love with you."

"No, that's not it. It's not going to go down until you do something with it. I mean take it slow because I'm still a bit worked up over what we just did, but if you don't mind. I really need it. I mean I really need it."

It was on the trip home and we road in the back of the pickup his father drove. Sometime during the drive I fell asleep. When I woke up, Greg was snuggled up against me, his one arm over my chest and my arms was behind his back. When I opened my eyes the back of the camper shell was up and his father was leaning on the tailgate of the pickup truck with his forearms and his hands were folded in front of him. He was just standing there looking at his son.

"You want a soda, Martin? I needed something cold to drink," he said, when I opened my eyes and I realized there was no way to make what it looked like look like anything else.

"Yes, sir," I said, and he stayed there for another minute, just looking into Greg's face. I could see the worry in his dark misty eyes.

All my life I'd felt like if I wasn't an accident, I was a terrible disappointment to my parents. All my life I'd be most vulnerable when I was home. That's where I felt the least safe.

Meeting Greg, his family, his parents. was an eye opening experience. If there were prototypes that needed to be copied to make sure kids were in great homes, loved, cared for, and encouraged, that was Greg's parents.

His father had caught his son in the arms of another boy, and the worry in his eye was over his concern for his son's health. His kindness to me was enough to make me cry. He was a good man and good men were hard to find. He was the best father I ever knew,

Greg's mom was as sweet as honey and twice as cool. She never uttered a cross word. Even when things were totally out of control, and Greg was right in the middle of it, she'd sit down and say, "Want to tell me about it, little boy," in that little girl voice of hers, and Greg would fess up, telling her everything.

Whatever the discipline or repercussions, they were issued fairly and with love. There was never any doubt in my mind that everything Greg's parents did was filtered through their overwhelming love for their sons. No matter who hung around and how messed up we were, they shared that love with us. There was no doubt I was welcome in their house, and I got the same treatment their sons got when I was there.

Loving Greg, being part of that family, was the best thing that had ever happened to me. It was never easy loving Greg. Trying to love him was like riding over Niagara Falls in a barrel full of monkeys. It was the most thrilling thing I ever did, but I didn't know I'd survive. If I didn't survive it, I wanted to die loving Greg.


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"Discovering Love" Copyright © 1 September 1997 OLYMPIA50. All rights reserved.
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