Dade woke with a pleasant yawn. Yesterday's wedding was great. He'd miss Mike a lot. Sarah too. But he knew that they were in the best place to look after Sarah. And that made their absence a little more bearable.

"Three months off." Dade said with a smile, "What mischief can you get up to, Dadester?"

He threw his cover off and sat up. The morning sun shone through his window like a warm welcome to the day. Suddenly a confused look passed over his face. Something unexpected sat beside his desk. Something that wasn't there when he went to sleep.

A brand new, polished, Loeb acoustic guitar. One that Dade had wanted but was always a little out of reach for him. He couldn't believe it. His father? Possibly. But more than likely it was Marcel. With a surprised smile, Dade picked up the guitar. He'd smashed his last guitar in frustration after coming home from a run in with his brother. Then when he'd woken up the next morning, he just about smashed himself as he realized what he'd done the night before. To the guitar and his brother.

The feeling of it in his arms was so natural and something he'd always loved. Music had always been his thing. As if second nature, his fingers began dancing along the strings. A broad smile passed across his lips as he closed his eyes and began playing a song of his favorite guitar idol, Samba Pa Ti by Jose Felciano.

With an exhilarated sigh, he finished playing and opened his eyes. He held the guitar up to marvel at some more. It was then that he noticed a card that must have fallen off it's perch on the guitar. He picked it up and read the small note, his eyes smiling gratefully.

'Don't stop the music,'

--Storm

"Wow." Dade said to himself as he kissed the guitar, "You're the best, Bro. You're the best."

* * * * * *

"So, Marty Lee. Why exactly are you doing this? I appreciate your help but I never picked you for a Samaritan." Claire asked as Marty Lee helped her prepare the Sunday lunch at the local shelter.

"I'm not." Marty Lee said as he continued peeling the mountain of potatoes before him, "This isn't exactly how I planned to spend my Sundays either."

"What's wrong? Not glamorous enough for your pampered hands?"

"These hands have been called a few things, Claire." Marty Lee said with a wry smile, "But pampered is not one of them."

"Well, I hope you're doing this because you really want to help."

"Would I be here otherwise?"

"You tell me. I suppose the real test will be if you come back next week."

"How long have you been doing this?"

"Ever since I came to Merlow. And this place isn't just for homeless people. There aren't many in Merlow and most are drifters who pass through. I don't think this town is big enough to have many homeless people."

"It's a nice town."

"That doesn't mean there aren't people in it who need help now and then. We have families here who sometimes just need some extra food. Women who are getting out of an abusive relationship. Sometimes we have abused kids too but that's a tricky area. Mike ... well, did you know about his dad?"

"I heard a few things. He never said much about it but everyone knew."

"Mike came down here quite a bit when we had kids who were going through the same thing he was. He did his best to help."

"Sounds like something Mike would do. He never said much about it."

"Why would he? You don't help people for the glory. You do it because you believe in it."

"Well ... I'm always open to new experiences." Marty Lee said apprehensively, "But ... I never had this in mind."

"Did you lose a bet or something?"

"Or something."

"Try to enjoy it at least." Claire said shaking her head in slight disappointment, "It's good karma. You'll get the hang of it."

"I think I will." Marty Lee said with a sincere smile.

"There we go. You're off to a good start already." Claire said as she patted Marty Lee on the back, "Well, what do you know? They're all coming out of the woodwork today. Hey, Brad. What brings you down here?"

"Just thought I might be able to help." Brad said as he half smiled at Marty Lee, "Good to see you here, Marty Lee."

"Yeah ... " Marty Lee said with half a frown, "You too."

"Can you give Marty Lee a hand, Brad?"

"Sure, Claire."

"I'll be out front if you guys need anything. Thanks for your help."

Marty Lee and Brad both began performing their duties. Marty Lee in particular found the job rather menial. He didn't like to think of himself as a snob, but right now he felt like one. Brad on the other hand didn't seem fazed at all by the task.

"No shadow today?" Marty Lee asked with a smirk.

"What are you talking about?"

"Josh."

"It's none of your business."

"Touchy, touchy." Marty Lee grinned, "Sensitive subject is it? Something to hide?"

"What are you on about?"

"I know about Josh's little 'problem'."

"Funny, I always thought you had the same 'problem'." Brad said shooting Marty Lee a death glare, "Storm ring a bell?"

"Hey, I never said which team I play for. How about you? You know which team you play for yet or is Josh helping you find that out?" Marty Lee asked with still a mischievous smile plastered on his face.

"Were you born a prick or did you just devolve into one?"

"Now, now, Brad. Don't make me hurt you again. Your little guardian isn't around to protect you anymore and even if he was, I'd have little problem taking him out. Not exactly at his best these days, is he?"

"Psycho."

"Thank you. I try my best."

"I don't know what Lucas sees in you. Or Storm. I thought you were all supposed to be friends now. Or is it all just a little act?"

Suddenly, Marty Lee's face took on a serious tone. He turned away from Brad and seemed to carry on his duties in silence. Brad hoped he'd get some peace now. That he'd be able to just finish his work and get away from this prick. No matter what you did, he always had that nasty streak in him. But even Brad seemed to notice how his demeanor changed. As if Brad had touched upon a sensitive area.

"Did Storm tell you that?" Marty Lee asked with thinly veiled intrigue, "That we were friends?"

"Not exactly. But I think he's starting to think you might not be so bad after all. I think the same thing sometimes until you open your mouth. Then I realize you're still just a dick."

"And you've got nerve to speak to me like that."

"Yeah, yeah, heard it all before. So you're gonna hurt me again, big deal. Take a ticket."

"I never said I was going to hurt you again. But you seem to get a few friends and all of a sudden you've got attitude."

"Only with people who deserve it."

"So you just came down here to make sure I was keeping up my end of the bargain."

"Something like that."

"I said I'd be here and I'm here. I wanna ask you something though. Everybody thinks you're such a nice guy now. But if you had the chance, would you have me 'touched up' the way you touched up Storm?"

"That was years ago. And he's kicked my ass before as well. But as far as touching you up goes ... no, I don't think I would. What goes around comes around eventually. Mine's come around already. I don't want to give karma an excuse to bring it around again. You know what I mean, don't you?"

"I suppose."

"Besides, I don't have the stomach for that kind of thing anymore. It just wouldn't be right. Be lying if I said I didn't think about it though. I suppose you think it was me who attacked you?"

"No. I don't. I know who it was."

"You do?"

"Yes."

"Who?"

"What do you care? Anyway, I'll pick you up tomorrow morning. We'll get your wrist taken care of."

"I dunno. You don't have to do that. I don't really want your money. Even though you're responsible."

"Oh shut up. A deal's a deal. I'll even let you drive my car afterwards. And tomorrow night you can come to the dojo and I'll start training you."

"Well ... "

"Hey, you said it. Don't get cold feet on me now. Deal's a deal. Works both ways. We had an agreement."

"Ok. But I wasn't planning on joining the actual dojo. I thought you were going to teach me on my own."

"Why don't you just check it out? If you don't like it, you don't have to come back and I'll do the rest in private."

"I don't think you understand." Brad said somewhat despondently as he finished the last of the potatoes, "I can't join."

"Oh ... " Marty Lee said with a knowing nod, "Sorry. I didn't think about that. It's the money, right? Can't afford the fees?"

Brad didn't respond. He just moved the huge steel pots to the sink and began washing the peeled potatoes. When that was done he moved right onto the pumpkins.

Marty Lee leaned back against the bench and gave Brad a contemplative glance. He'd only just started to realize how much of a worker Brad was. When something had to be done, he just got in there and did it. Didn't say anything. Just did it. Even when his loser status was at it's peak, he just seemed to knuckle down and carry on his way. It was a trait he picked up on more and more as they spent time together.

Brad was already the nominated school loser when Marty Lee arrived in Merlow. So that's what Marty Lee thought of him as. As far as most of Merlow High was concerned, Brad still lingered in loserdom but even Marty Lee was beginning to slowly change his view. And just perhaps, began to regret his past actions towards Brad, among others.

"Just come down. I have a suit you could have. Don't worry about the fees." Marty Lee said finally.

"Thanks." Brad said with a sigh, "But I'd rather not."

"Will you think about it at least?"

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were trying to be friendly." Brad said with a smirk.

"Me?" Marty Lee said shaking his head vigorously, "Never. I'm the bad guy. But what can I say? You're growing on me."

"Well ... I dunno. I'll think about it." Brad said before his face became rather concerned, "I hope you're not messing with me. I can never tell with you."

"Think what you like about me. But if I say I'm gonna do something, I do it. You can always count on that much at least. And I said I wouldn't touch you again. So I won't. And I'm not messing with you now."

"Well ... ok. But even when this cast comes off, just so you know ... " Brad said glancing at his wrist, "I won't forget. I still have a hard time being around you."

"Yeah well ... I'm not good with sorry. But I admit ... it might not have been the best thing to do."

"Might?"

"Ok, it wasn't the best thing to do."

"I just got it in your way and you don't like that, right? You're used to having what you want. You're spoiled. Maybe you should go up to General State and keep your therapy up with Lucas." Brad said with a mischief filled smile, "The two have only been gone a day and little Marty Lee is already turning back into a prick."

"Am I the only person you mouth off to?"

"Yeah."

"Just checking. But even if I wanted to, I can't go up. I'm taking Storm's place at the dojo. You know, no matter what you think of me, I just want what everyone else does. I actually wanted to be a teacher."

"What are you planning on teaching? Terror and intimidation?"

"Good one." Marty Lee said with a small smile, "But no. Just something simple."

"Well ... I could stand here and pretend I care but I don't. We're not that far along, Marty Lee. Thanks for keeping up your end of the bargain so far though. At least you're here. It's a start. Claire's a nice person, she deserves as much help as she can get. Didn't do me any harm coming here to help. I think it'll be good for you."

"Yeah well. We'll see."

* * * * * *

Josh sat with his family for Sunday lunch. It was always a tradition with his family to eat their Sunday meals together. His father would say grace and give thanks for his family. Then they would eat together. They'd talk about the week's events. His parents would ask him how he was doing. His father would tell him how proud he was of his son. His mother would smile on adoringly, as much as his younger sister would.

It used to make Josh happy to know how proud his parents were of him. That they appreciated how respectful and devoted he was. But for the last few months it seemed to grate at him. Particularly since his break up with Claire. And more especially since his self realization that he liked guys and guys alone. This seemed to culminate even more after his camping trip with Brad. Particularly the unexpected kiss they'd shared.

It thrilled Josh in so many ways. It was the first real kiss he'd ever had with another guy. More especially, it was someone he felt so strongly for. Someone he believed he was falling in love with. Yet as much as Brad would reassure him that nothing would change between them, they did. Josh knew that Brad had only kissed him to make him feel better. And almost as soon as the kiss was over, Josh withdrew.

Over the last week Josh's head was a mess. Their kiss had just solidified the fact he liked other guys. And more than that, it did change things between him and Brad. Though they'd still talk and hang out at school, Josh began to draw himself away from his friend. He was sure Brad could tell, but every time their conversation became too personal, Josh made sure he had somewhere he had to go.

He didn't have any answers in his head. Didn't know how to handle Brad or more especially, his own life. And now more than ever, he felt like a fraud to his parents. If only they knew about him. He couldn't bear the thought of letting them down. Or shattering their dreams. His own feelings were inconsequential. That's what he kept telling himself. He owed his life to his parents and he wouldn't do anything to upset them. They were good people. They just wouldn't be able to handle their son being gay.

Yet on the flip side, he hated keeping his secret from them. Every time he spoke, he felt false. Like a fraud. A liar. Here were his parents who had raised him and trusted him implicitly. And he felt as if he'd been lying to them. That he was being dishonest. He was never dishonest with his parents. And yet here he was, probably keeping the biggest secret of his life from them. So whether he told them or not, he was losing either way. He'd either be lying to them or he'd hurt them. All these thoughts had caused his mind to run amok with inner turmoil. Though to everyone else, he was still the same old Josh.

Once the family had finished their lunch, his mother began to dutifully clear their meal away. Carly joined her mother in the kitchen to help with the dishes, leaving Josh alone with his father. As usual after the meal, Colin Barrett would pull out a cigar and Josh would join him on the balcony. This was a weekly ritual for them. Colin would ask Josh how everything was going with him. They'd talk as men did, since Colin considered his son a man now. Josh would mostly listen, as his father told him how work was during the week. Speaking only when his father had given him opportunity to.

"Son, I know you were planning on helping me at work over your break but I think you need to relax. You'll be going to college soon. This may be the last summer break to spend with your friends. You've made us very proud this year, Joshua. All of your accomplishments. You've done well in school and football. You're a good son and you take care of your sister. I think you should enjoy the summer and spend some time with your friends."

"Thank you, Father. But I help you every summer down at the lot. I'd like to help."

"Your mother and I talked about this. We have less than a year with you before you go away to college. You've made us proud, Son. And we know you like to help. But it's time for you to enjoy your youth. Take it from your old man, you'll be glad you did. I was going to save this for your graduation but your mother and I think you deserve this now." Colin said as he pulled a pair of keys out of his pocket, "She's parked out on the road. She's all yours, Son."

"Oh ... " Josh said in disbelief as his father handed the keys to him, "I ... I can't believe this."

"You've earned it, Son. I know you've had your eye on this Cherokee for a while."

"This is too much, Sir. I can't take this."

"Nonsense. Your mother and I have worked it all out. You were going to get it eventually, Son. But we both feel you deserve it now."

"I don't know what to say." Josh said with utter disbelief, "I'm ... "

"You go out and enjoy yourself. Now you won't have to keep borrowing our cars. Go on, Son. Take her for a ride." Colin said as he handed his son some money, "Have some fun."

Josh just sat there wanting to burst into tears. But he didn't. Boys don't cry. And Barrett men certainly didn't. Not in front of each other.

Josh was so overwhelmed by this surprise. More than ever he couldn't get over how much his parents cared for and appreciated him. This was the last thing he expected. Even though his father owned a car yard, it never popped into his head that he'd get one. His parent's weren't rich by any means. His father worked hard to take care of them. So Josh knew how much of a sacrifice this was for them.

He didn't have to cry for his father to know how grateful he was. Josh shook his father's hand vigorously with a grateful smile on his face. As his father motioned for him to go inside and thank his mother, Josh felt the familiar pangs of guilt hit him. His parents still had no idea about their son. Would they have still given him this car if they knew about him?

He pushed the thought to the back of his mind. Hoping instead to just enjoy this moment. And for a while, at least a little while, he did.

* * * * * *

Dade stood in his basement gym, casually working move sets against the punching bag. Straight punch followed by a roundhouse kick. He'd switch sides and repeat the set, adding in a new move every now and then. Sweat glistened on his body as he continued his extra long session.

He was stirred by the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs. He already knew who it was before they even arrived. He'd attuned himself so much to the weight of each step, the sound it made, the intervals between each step. A large smile passed across his face as Marcel entered the basement.

"Hey there." Marcel said with a smile of his own.

"Hey there."

Dade threw off his gloves as he stepped forward and stole a kiss from his blonde babe. He eased his hand around the back of Marcel's neck and urged the gentle kiss to continue longer than he'd first anticipated. He took great pleasure in the fact that Marcel was much freer with the affection now. There were still boundaries but Dade knew just how far he could go without upsetting his mate. And right now he couldn't help pushing them a little.

Dade's heart almost skipped a beat when he felt Marcel's hands on his back. This was what he wanted. For Marcel to grow increasingly comfortable with the idea of touching him. Soon the kiss became somewhat more heated as Marcel forced Dade back onto the nearby weight bench. Dade was already shirtless so Marcel's hands were free to wander over his body.

Dade was tempted to urge Marcel to take his shirt off too but he still hesitated to force anything himself. Long dormant butterflies ran rampant in his stomach as Marcel's assault moved to his neck. Even more so when it was obvious that Marcel was hungering for this as much as he was. He was almost ravaging Dade with his amorous assaults.

"Whoa." Dade moaned as he felt Marcel sucking feverishly on his right nipple.

It had been a long time since Marcel was ever this aggressive with him. He enjoyed the fact that he didn't have to lead the moment. This was all Marcel.

Finally when Marcel's lips reached his abs, it was all he could do not to explode right there. At the very least, it would've literally been strikingly obvious to Marcel how into this Dade was.

As Dade felt Marcel's hands at the sides of his tearaways he knew they were getting close to the point of no return. If those pants came down, it was all on.

Unfortunately for Dade, they never came down. And he could no longer feel Marcel's weight on him or lips anywhere.

"Shit." Dade cursed quietly to himself as he realized it still wasn't quite time yet.

He opened his eyes to find Marcel sitting on the gym mat between Dade's legs. Marcel raised Dade's foot and placed a soft kiss on top before their eyes met.

"Sorry." Marcel said dejectedly.

"Don't be." Dade said with concern as he pulled himself off the weight bench.

He sat on the mat next to Marcel and wrapped his arms around him from the side. He kissed Marcel's neck and rested his head on his shoulder.

"I can wait. Nothing's going to happen until you're ready. It's not important."

"Yes it is." Marcel said with an uncharacteristically weak tone.

"Not as important as you are. It's ok. Really it is." Dade said as held onto his mate.

"You're beautiful, Dade."

"So are you. Ya big hottie."

"I wanted you from the first moment I came back to Merlow and saw you. But ... "

"I know. It's ok. I'm not going anywhere. We've got all the time in the world."

"Actually ... there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about."

"Uh oh." Dade said with a slight frown, "I don't like the sound of that."

"I'm cleared to begin full training again. I can go back to Drake before the next semester starts."

"That's great." Dade said trying not to sound too disappointed.

"Not right away. We've still got time. But I mean this when I say, I'm not going back unless you and I are ok. It won't be like last time."

"Ok. Sure." Dade nodded with little heart.

"I mean it." Marcel said as he turned Dade's face to meet his, "I mean it, Dade."

"I don't want to go through that again."

"I love you, Dade." Marcel said with a sincere smile, "I mean it. I'm not going unless I know you and I are going to be ok. I don't want to lose this."

"Good." Dade said with a grateful sigh.

"I came over for a reason."

"What was that?"

"Fancy a trip?"

"Where to?"

"Where else? To go and see Storm. I already called your Dad to see if it was ok for us to go up there. He said it was fine. I just had to ask you. I wanna go up in the morning."

"Ask me? Who are you kidding? I'm there. Storm never wanted me to go but I want to. I really want to."

"He had his reasons. But I think you should be there. I really do."

"Why?"

"Well ... I told Mike so I might as well tell you too ... "

* * * * * *

Brad sat perched on the old oak by the water's edge of Lake Herren. The same tree he and Josh had played in as kids. One foot dangled in the water, while the other rested on the heavy branch. He sat back against the trunk with his sketch pad against his knee. His eyes darted back and forth between the pad and the dusky skyline of Lake Herren. The mountains of North Lake far off in the distance, reminding him of the surreal experience he'd shared with Josh. He never imagined his first real kiss would be with a guy.

He'd had a lot of time to think since that night. The kiss seemed to bother Josh more than it bothered himself. He tried to make Josh feel comfortable afterwards to little avail. To Josh it was like it never happened. They didn't speak of the incident and every time Brad tried to bring it up, Josh would change the subject or disappear on him.

It was half a relief to Brad since he hadn't given a lot of forethought to kissing Josh. It just seemed right at the time. He wanted to make Josh feel better.

The actual kiss didn't bother Brad much at all. He could think of a lot worse things to go through. It just wasn't a big deal. Didn't mean he wanted it a whole lot, but he wasn't going to make an issue of it. It actually excited him to know someone found him appealing. Even more that it was someone he cared so much about.

As his thoughts consumed him and his hand dashed across the page, he could hear the sound of leaves rustling in the bushes. His eyes shot up to see a figure moving away. Brad knew who it was instantly.

Josh. He was obviously trying to make a silent exit. Brad's face sprouted a dejected frown. He was tempted to yell out but he knew when he wasn't wanted. Josh probably didn't mean to find Brad here. He'd probably come to chill out, just as Brad had.

The thought of them being on their own again no doubt didn't agree with Josh. Brad shook his head in disappointment. He was starting to realize he'd probably lose Josh. That their friendship had crossed into the ice zone.

With a sad sigh, Brad's eyes returned to the skyline that now seemed inherently darker. Or perhaps that was just his mood.

"Hi, Brad."

"Josh." Brad said in surprise, "I thought you were trying to make a quiet exit."

"I was."

"So ... why'd you come back?"

"I felt bad." Josh said with a sigh, "And I ... well ... I miss you too. I'm sorry I've been stand offish lately."

"It's ok."

"No it's not." Josh said as he made his way along the branch towards Brad, "I'm sorry."

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, Josh."

"You didn't. But I ... I don't know. I don't know what's going on in my head."

"I thought it was what you wanted. Maybe what you needed."

"But it isn't what you wanted. I wish you never found out about me."

"You're my best friend, Josh. I don't care what you are. It doesn't matter to me. You know that."

"Saying things like that doesn't help me try and forget that I like you." Josh said with a smile as he sat down, "What are you drawing?"

"Just the horizon. I didn't wanna be at home. Billy was on my case. My Dad threw a spaz at me."

"What for?"

"I dunno. You know how it is. It's no biggie."

"You sure?"

"Yeah." Brad shrugged, "I'm just chilling out."

"You don't feel weird about me? Knowing how I feel about you?"

"Nah. I'm flattered. You know ... if you want me, you can have me. It's not like I have a line of people waiting for me. And I do care about you."

"No thanks. That's what made me feel weird too. I don't want you doing something you don't really want. Don't just do something to make me happy."

"Are we still gonna be friends though? Are you gonna stop avoiding me?"

"Sure. I miss hanging out with you all the time."

"Me too."

"I have some great news." Josh said with a broad smile.

"What?"

"You won't believe it."

"Tell me."

"My parents bought me that Cherokee I like."

"No way!" Brad said in disbelief, "For real?"

"They sure did. They were going to wait till I went to college but they're pretty happy with me right now. So ... "

"Why wouldn't they be? You do well at school. You won the premiership. You're good to them."

"I guess. At least I won't have to borrow one of their cars whenever we go somewhere."

"Wow. We should go on a road trip!"

"Hey, that's not a bad idea. I'd have to talk to my parents first. They might need me to hang around."

"We could always go back up to North Lake. As long as you promise not to tell me anymore ghost stories."

"But that's half the fun!"

"Wow. Seems like everybody has cars except me now. Maybe I could help your Dad out over the break? Down at the lot?"

"I could ask him. I'm sure he'll say yes. He doesn't want me to help him out that much this break. He thinks I need to have some fun."

"Maybe he's right. I could tell something was on your mind when we first started hanging out again. I think they can too. Maybe he thinks you need to relax or something. Have some fun."

"I hope they can't tell. I don't ever want them to know. Even if it means I'm single forever. I don't care."

"Josh ... I know you think your parent's are really old school. That they won't accept you. That your Dad will go ballistic. But you have really great parents. They raised you, didn't they?"

"Yeah ... "

"Well there you go. You're so well mannered, polite, respectful. And Carly's just a doll. They did a really good job. Don't you think it might just be worth giving them the benefit of the doubt? I'm not telling you what to do. I'm really not. Just like ... don't write them off."

"I don't want them to think any less of me. I ... can't let them down." Josh said as his eyes became distant, "I don't want to hurt them. You don't understand. I know them. They believe in no sex before marriage. And so do I. But there's the problem, Brad. I won't ever be getting married. Because men aren't supposed to marry other men. Women aren't supposed to marry other women. Don't you get it? They want me to be happy. And their version of me being happy is going to college, getting a good job. Finding a girl to spend the rest of my life with. Get married. Have kids. And raise my own family just the same as them. That's what they want. And that's what I want for them. But I couldn't do it with Claire so it's not gonna work with any other girl. I love her, Brad. I really do. But I just couldn't do it. I'm not halfway in between like Lucas or Dade. I'm just flat out fag, Brad. And I hate it. I am such a liar. I'm a fraud to them. If they knew ... "

"They'd still love you. I'm sure of it."

"Every time they say something about me. Every time they look at me, I just wanna throw up. Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe. It's getting so bad now."

"And I guess I didn't help."

"I don't know what to do." Josh said with emotion wracking his throat.

"Josh ... " Brad said in a suddenly serious tone, "You wouldn't ... do anything stupid, would you?"

"You mean kill myself?"

"Well ... I've just heard you know that it happens a lot. Especially with people like ... "

"People like me? Faggot teens?"

"Don't say that. Don't ever say that again. And I was going to say all teens."

"You?" Josh asked in surprise.

"Well ... I admit. There have been times." Brad said as his eyes glazed over, "It's not much fun being the local outcast. People picking on you all the time. Staring at you like you're less than they are. Like you're just a piece of trash. No friends. No respect. No one to talk to. Your family just seems to be there to make your life miserable. People getting a kick out of bashing your brains out. All teens, Josh. All people. It happens. But I won't let it happen to you. So talk to me, ok?"

"Ok." Josh said with worry in his voice, "But ... that was before, right? Not now?"

"Not now."

"You know, I think I understand you a lot more this time around, Brad. I just wish it didn't take this long to figure it out."

"That's enough about me. How about you? You'd never think about it, would you?"

"No. I don't think so. That would upset my parents. And I wouldn't do it to Carly Bear. I have to look out for her."

"Oh, Josh." Brad said with a small laugh, "Sometimes you should put yourself first."

"I'm really glad we're friends, Brad. You really mean a lot to me."

"Watch out, I might think you like me."

"Or worse, I might think I love you. How terrible would that be?"

"I can think of worse things."

"Yeah well." Josh said as he stood up, "Best to just forget about it. Come on, let's go for a ride."

"Where to?"

"Anywhere but here."

* * * * * *

Dade sat alone in his room. His eyes still red from crying after Marcel's revelation and the argument that followed. Or more to the point, Dade's freak out on Marcel. He couldn't believe he was being kept out of the loop again. Least of all by his own boyfriend. Yet he realized how difficult Marcel's position was. So in the end he just asked to be left alone so he could digest Marcel's news of his brother.

And as much as he'd tried to push away the nagging thoughts that had plagued him for the last two years, today it all just came flooding back. Discovering his brother was in a more precarious position than he thought, just served to reignite the turmoil within.

His origins. The guilt he felt over his mother's death. The incredible shock waves that followed her untimely exit from their lives. Everything that was happening now. Everything that had happened since her death he couldn't help feeling responsible for.

From Mike and Sarah's departure from Merlow to Storm's current state. He knew that if June was still alive, somehow she would have taken care of everything. Storm would still be living at home. Sarah would somehow be ok and Mike would be a shoe in for a football scholarship. But most of all, he still felt personally responsible for his mother's death.

Even if no one else thought it, he did. He didn't question whether he was responsible, just whether he could ever forgive himself. On days like today, he found it hard. He couldn't help thinking that his entire existence was just one huge mistake. That perhaps his ... that perhaps the true Marcus family would have been a lot better off if he was never born. No matter how much he tried to shake off his demons, they always came back. And today they were back en masse.

Torn four ways between anger, guilt, sadness and grief, he found it hard to even move from his bedroom. The constant strumming of his new guitar was a feeble attempt to distract himself from his thoughts. He tried to think of a song in his head to go with the wordless chords he played. A song he could dedicate to the person who'd surprised him with the guitar. His brother. Daniel 'Storm' Phelan Marcus.

Yet for all the words he came up with. The tunes he composed. All seemed to eventually melt into the same song he'd played last time his brother was in hospital. His voice cracking the darkness with it's soulful melody.

'Somewhere deep inside, something's got a hold on you

And it's pushing me aside, see it stretch on forever

And I know I'm right, for the first time in my life

That's why I tell you, you'd better be home soon ... '

Stripping back the coats of lies and deception

Back to nothingness, like a week in the desert

And I know I'm right, for the first time in my life

And that's why I tell you, you'd better be home soon

Just as he finally managed to lose himself in his music, he head a knock at the front door. With a sigh, he made his way downstairs. His guitar still hung on his back as he opened the door. His emotions still rather raw, he couldn't help feeling irritated by the sight of his visitor.

"What the fuck do you want, Marty Lee?"

"Just wanted to see how you were doing."

"Doing great. Now go away."

"Did I come at a bad time?"

"Every time's a bad time for you."

"Ok, ok."

"Listen to me, you might have Lucas fooled. You might even have my brother fooled. But you'll never have me fooled. I know exactly what you're like. People like you don't change. And I never forget a thing."

"Maybe you should try then." Marty Lee said an almost condescending tone.

"Fuck you!" Dade said grabbing Marty Lee by the throat as he shoved him against the wall, "I'll only be ok when you eat shit and die."

"Dade ... "

"What? You're gonna kick my ass now? Do me over like you did Brad? You sick fuck. I'm not scared of you. Go on, say something. I dare you. Say something so I can smash your fucking head in. I'm not scared of you."

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Marty Lee asked in astonishment.

"You! You took advantage of me. You manipulated me. You plastered me full of alcohol the night I came home and fought with my mother. The last night I ever spoke to her. You asshole, I hate you. I hate you." Dade said as he broke down in tears, "I hate ... "

"Dade ... I'm sorry you feel that way. And I'm sorry for ... everything. But you know I had no idea what was going to happen to your mother. I didn't make you drink that night. I told you that you'd had enough. Do you remember that?"

"Well maybe you should have kept me going till I passed out. Maybe then she'd still be here! And then Storm wouldn't be in trouble now because she'd make sure he was ok. And Mike and Sarah wouldn't have gone because somehow she would have taken care of her too. Storm would be ok. And it's all your fault. It's all your fault!" Dade cried angrily.

Dade's tormented eyes were wrought with angry, bitter tears that soon began to overwhelm him. His grip on Marty Lee weakened as he broke down. A pain filled cry escaped him as his head fell on Marty Lee's shoulder. He shoved Marty Lee away half heartedly as he felt arms wrap around him. The more he struggled, the more Marty Lee seemed to hold on.

Marty Lee seemed strangely affected by the state of the youngest Marcus before him. His face conveyed concern that surprised even himself. He could feel Dade's pain echo through his body with each anguished sob and shiver. Yet he still held on.

"I'm sorry, Dade." Marty Lee said in a whisper, "I'm sorry."

Marty Lee was surprised by the sensation of Dade's almost suffocating hold. He'd gone from trying to push him away to holding on as if his life depended on it. He knew more about Dade than he let on. Though their relationship had been strange at best, he had become quite attached to the bold Marcus brother. He knew Dade needed this. Needed to just fall apart and let out what he'd kept bottled up for so long. Finally, Dade's grip seemed to slacken but he didn't move his head from Marty Lee's shoulder.

"It wasn't your fault. It was mine." Dade whimpered softly, "All of this. Everything."

"No it isn't, Dade. It isn't."

"I should have never been born. Then everyone else would have been ok. I killed her. I killed her. And now Storm's in real trouble. I know if she were here ... everything would be ok. Nothing good ever comes from me. What good ever came from evil? That's what I am. My father was a rapist. Did you know that? Yeah, how's that for lineage?"

"No he isn't. Your father is Daniel Marcus."

"I don't know what to do, Marty Lee." Dade said with desperation in his voice.

"You don't have to do anything, Dade. Do you want me to call Marcel?"

"No. He doesn't need this shit. I'll be ok." Dade said as he stepped away from Marty Lee.

Marty Lee watched with a discerning eye as Dade sauntered into the lounge. He put his guitar down carefully and sat. His eyes were still tormented and lost, staring blankly at the floor.

Marty Lee took a seat opposite Dade with a nervous knot in his stomach. He wasn't used to being in this situation. Being sensitive made him feel vulnerable. But he knew how much Dade had been through. He couldn't leave him alone like this, no matter what Dade thought of him.

"I know I'm not Storm. I know I'm not family or even a friend. But I know you've been through a lot. I know you feel guilty about a lot of things. But Dade, you didn't kill her."

"I did! I did! Don't tell me I didn't. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to talk about this anymore. Not with you."

"I understand. I don't want to leave you on your own though, Dade. Let me call someone. You shouldn't be alone."

"So take me somewhere and get me drunk. It's not like Storm's here to tell me off. Or Mike. Or Mom." Dade said with bitterness, "No one's here."

"I don't think that's the answer."

"And you're full of answers?" Dade asked with spite, "Since when did you give a shit? Since when are you a good guy?"

"I'm not."

"Don't worry, neither am I."

"I'm gonna call Marcel."

"No. I'm fine. Just go."

Marty Lee was about to respond when he heard a knock at the door. Dade shook his head as if to say he didn't want to answer. That he didn't want any visitors.

Marty Lee stood up and headed to the front door, ready to send anyone away on Dade's behalf. When he opened the door however, his face let out a small smile of relief.

"Hey, Marty Lee. What are you doing here?" Claire said with a surprised smile, "I just came to see how Dade was. Where is he?"

"Dade ... " Marty Lee began to say with unreadable hesitation, "He's in there. I think he could use your company. I was just leaving."

Claire walked in and found Dade looking rather cut up in the lounge. Her eyes shot back to Marty Lee with a look of questioning concern. Marty Lee shook his head as if to say he wasn't responsible for Dade's state. Claire nodded back with understanding. Marty Lee gave Dade a pausing glance before he slipped away silently.

"Dade?" Claire said as she sat down beside him, putting her arm around him instinctively.

Dade didn't respond. His eyes were still empty as Claire kissed the top of his head. He leaned his head on her as she rubbed his back soothingly. He didn't need to say anything. Claire didn't need to hear anything. She just knew she was right where she needed to be.

* * * * * *

The Lake Herren view from Marcel's balcony was nothing short of stunning. Yet even on his best days, Marcel found little joy in the sight. His return to Merlow had been tainted by incident and circumstance. Fate and misfortune. In his heart he knew things were getting better. He knew things would get better. Still though he couldn't help wondering whether the worst was over. June's death though distant now, still rang heavy on all who loved her. Mike and Sarah's departure was still fresh in Marcel's mind. So much change had taken place. And all through this he'd had the task of trying to recover from his own ordeals. To heal inside as much as out.

He could feel his days in Merlow were once again drawing to a close. He only hoped that this time he'd be able to maintain the relationship he shared with Dade. He knew Dade still had many of his own demons to exorcise. Marcel found irony in their situation. Dade was the result of an event that Marcel had himself experienced. And both events had impacted on their lives more than they could have ever imagined. But they had each other. That in itself gave Marcel hope for the future.

Though strain had brought itself to bear on their relationship, he knew it would not last. He found himself in a difficult situation. Caught between two brothers. His unwavering loyalty to Storm was beginning to impact his relationship with Dade.

"Maybe I shouldn't have said anything." Marcel sighed to himself.

With a somber look on his face, he dialed in a phone number on his cordless. He wanted to call Dade but figured he needed some time on his own. So instead he called Lucas on his cell phone to see how Storm was doing. When all he got was the answering machine, he clicked the phone off in frustration.

That frustration was suddenly interrupted by a hand on the small of his back. He turned to see a weak smiling Dade. The two shared a glance and without a word, gently slipped their arms around one another. A sweet angel kiss passed between them and that was enough.

No 'I love you' or 'I'm sorry'. No resumption of their last argument. Just this. And that was enough.

* * * * * *

"Hey, Mr. Carlyle." Carl said with a smile as he stood at the Carlyle front door, "Can I see Claire?"

"Go on up. I think she's studying."

"Studying? But we're on break."

"I tried telling her that. Do you two have plans tonight?"

"No. I just thought I'd surprise her."

"Well she looks like she could use some cheering up."

"That's my specialty." Carl said with a broad smile as Joe ushered him in.

Carl made his way up to Claire's room with a single red rose in his hand. Her door was half open and he could see her sitting indian style on her bed, her back to him. He paused for a moment as butterflies filled his stomach. They'd been going out for a little while now but he still couldn't believe she was his girlfriend. He liked her since the first moment he laid eyes on her, over two years ago now. Just the image of her there made him light headed. She sat barefoot, dressed casually in a pair of shorts and halter top, but it didn't matter what she wore. She always looked beautiful to him. And she was. He always thought her out of his league. She was popular, beautiful, intelligent. But the more he spent time with her, even when they were just friends he saw something more. She was sweet, caring, generous and always thoughtful towards other people. Something about her just grabbed him and wouldn't let go. He'd been falling for her a long time now and he still couldn't see an end to that even though they were dating.

His contemplative state was broken as soon as she turned around though. It was obvious to him she'd been crying. As soon as she saw him, she quickly wiped her eyes and feigned a smile.

"You ok?" Carl asked as he rushed in beside her.

"You just caught me at a bad time." Claire said with a smile as she shuffled over so he could sit beside her, "I'm ok."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing really. I wasn't expecting you. Is that for me?" Claire asked as she spotted the rose in Carl's hand.

"Oh, sorry. Yeah, it's for you. I thought I could give you a real rose now instead of a paper one."

"Thank you." Claire said sincerely as she kissed Carl's cheek, "That's so sweet of you."

"Are you sure you're ok?"

"It's a girl thing. You know how we are. We have our moments. We don't need an excuse to cry." Claire said with a small laugh, "It's our prerogative."

"Storm calls me a girl sometimes, maybe I can help."

"Well, it's just ... I'm worried about Sarah. I miss them. I'm worried about Josh. He's still really quiet towards me. And I'm worried about Dade."

"Dade?"

"Yeah. I went to see him today. I wanted to make sure he was ok."

"Was he?"

"No. I think he just had a fight with Marty Lee."

"Why doesn't that surprise me?"

"I don't know whether it was Marty Lee's fault. I'm just worried about Dade. I hope that doesn't bother you."

"Why should it? You two were friends. You used to go out. And I know you always worry about everyone else. And that's why I'm around!"

"Why?"

"To cheer you up!"

"Thanks, but ... "

"But nothing. Can I take you out?"

"I'm kinda tired. It's been a long day."

"Back rub?"

"I don't think so." Claire said with a full smile, "You're too cute. I might take advantage of you."

"You? Take advantage of me? You must be kidding, girl. But oh please take advantage of me whenever you like. I'm here to be taken advantage of!"

"You're sweet."

"A guy can try, can't he?"

"Sure he can. Listen, you're close to Storm. Do you know what's wrong with him?"

"You mean his ulcer?"

"How bad is it?"

"Well he ain't dead. That's always a good thing."

"Do you know what else is wrong with him?"

"What else?" Carl asked in surprise, "What do you mean? There's something else?"

"I get that impression from Dade. I thought maybe Storm might have said something to you."

"No. But ... actually ... at the ball, yeah ... I caught him outside. He was acting kinda weird. Which isn't unusual for Storm but now that you mention it, he did say a few things that seemed odd at the time." Carl began to say as if a light bulb went off in his head, "He said that he got some bad news. The kind that makes you think twice about your life. It sounded pretty heavy but he didn't want to talk about it. He looked pretty cut up though."

"Dade was pretty upset. I'm worried about him. He's had a really rough time lately. If something happened to Storm, I don't think he'd be able to handle it."

"Storm's not going anywhere. He's part of the scenery around here."

"If there's one thing I've learned lately, don't take anything for granted."

"Storm has been acting kind of distracted lately. It's so hard to tell though, because he's been different since his Mom died. But now that you mention it, it kind of fits. Now you've even got me worried. Can't be that bad, can it?"

"I guess we'll find out eventually."

"Well listen here. I bet if I had Storm on the phone right now he'd tell you not to worry. You always worry about everyone else. Why don't you let me worry about you tonight?" Carl said sincerely as he placed his hand gingerly on Claire's.

"Me?"

"Yes, you. Would that be ok?"

"Well ... ok." Claire said with a surprised shrug, "Me?"

"Yes, you! What else are boyfriends for if not to cater to their girlfriend's every need?"

"I think I like you more every day." Claire smiled as she gave Carl a tiny angel kiss.

"What can I say? I'm infectious. That's what Storm always said but I don't think he meant it in a good way." Carl laughed as he picked Claire up into his arms.

"Hey! What are you doing?"

"Taking you out."

"But I have to get changed first. I can't go out like this."

"Why not? You look perfect."

"Steady on." Claire laughed as she jumped off and nudged Carl out her door, "Sorry, Big Boy. I've gotta change up the clothes. I won't be long."

"Take your time, I'm not going anywhere."

Carl leaned against Claire's door with a blissful smile on his face. He didn't feel like he had to put on an act with Claire. He could just be himself and she still seemed to like him. What a concept. Things were definitely looking up.

* * * * * *

Marty Lee waited at the arrivals lounge for Ashley. She was due in any minute now. He still couldn't believe Lucas had asked her to stay at their place so Mira could return to San Diego in the morning. As much as he loved his sister, he was beginning to resent all the fuss over himself. As if he couldn't take care of himself. He'd practically been looking after himself before he moved in with Lucas. And now all of a sudden he had to have someone looking after him every night.

He knew Lucas meant well but it was beginning to grate on him. Surprisingly though, he wasn't entirely looking forward to Ashley's visit. He still wasn't sure how long it would be. That would depend on when Lucas returned to Merlow. He just hoped her visit didn't rock the boat. He found his loyalties changing recently. In the past he would have loved the idea of having Ashley back with Lucas. Because he knew Lucas was still her first love. But after everything Storm had been through recently, he figured the last thing he needed was trouble at home. If he even came home.

He didn't think he was responsible for June's death but he couldn't deny how unsettling it was to be confronted by Dade. He knew that Dade carried a lot of guilt for his mother's death. But the thought of himself somehow being responsible even indirectly, made him regret even more the way he'd acted. Perhaps Dade was right. Perhaps if he'd just stayed away. Perhaps if he hadn't given Dade those drinks that night. Just perhaps she might not have been killed

Marty Lee had felt a lot of guilt for many of his actions lately. But this was too much for him to wear on his shoulders. Dade was wrong. Of course he was. He was just angry. He was hurting. Still though, his run in with Dade had left him a little shaken even now. Physical confrontations were his specialty but emotional ones ...

And now he had Ashley to worry about. Even though she was here to look after him, he had his suspicions of her. Of course she wanted to spend time with him. They were on break now. But after last weekend, he wasn't sure exactly whether her intentions were noble as far as Lucas went. He wasn't sure whether anything happened but he knew Ashley's behavior was odd. And she wasn't very forthcoming with him about her activities that night. Which wasn't usual for her.

He didn't like the idea of her being in charge of him either. She had a way of making him do what she wanted, even though she always meant well.

As all the passengers poured through the gates, he scanned through the sea of faces for Ashley. Both anticipating and anxious over her arrival. The more he scanned, the more he wondered whether she made her flight. He couldn't see her anywhere. Until he turned and finally there she was, standing right behind him.

"Hey, little brother."

"Hey ... "

* * * * * *

"Abby, you here?" Dade yelled as he unlocked the front door and walked in.

Judging by the fact all the lights were off in the house and Abby's car wasn't outside, she wasn't here. She was supposed to be here but it didn't surprised Dade that she wasn't. If he had it his way, she could just stay with Robert. She wouldn't have to live at home just to take care of him. It wasn't that he didn't love her but to be brutally honest, they had nowhere near the same connection as he did with Storm. She was his sister and of course he loved her, but their relationship or lack of was just a by product of his parent's divorce. It was a bit much to expect them all to play happy families after such a long period of little contact.

Dade's first instinct was to turn the lights on. He didn't. All at once the house felt completely empty. It was quite an eerie feeling. He hadn't enjoyed living at home since June died and Storm moved out. The only factor making it bearable was Mike. And now he too was gone. June was gone. All that was left was him. Just him and this big empty house full of memories.

He trudged up the stairs and passed by each of the now vacant rooms. Storm's old room had little evidence left of him. Mike's room was pretty much bare. June's ironically was the one that still had her signature all over it. Daniel Sr. slept in there when he stayed. Abby used Storm's room when she stayed. But the only real resident left in this house was Dade. Dade and his memories.

He could still see Storm lying on his bed, staring out his window at the stars above. Mike carrying Sarah up the stairs, both sharing a smile and laugh as they made their way to his room. And June standing at the bottom of the stairs, smiling up at Dade.

They were all memories now. How quickly things can change. This house used to be so full of life. The hub of everyone's lives. And since June's death, it seemed to die it's own death. The feeling of warmth had been replaced by a hollow echo of times committed only to memory. The cold chill of reality had stripped it bare.

And so Dade sat alone at the top of the stairs. Empty, bitter tears forced their way down his cheeks. He hoped one day it would somehow gain the feeling it once had. That he wouldn't dread coming home the way he did tonight. But somehow, he couldn't quite believe it would happen. As much as he wanted to believe that his brother would come home and make this house a home, something inside him doubted that day would come. This house was no longer a home. It was an empty shell that would never again ring with life as it had so much in the past. It was just ... empty.


On to Chapter 4.17a
"The More Things Change"

Back to Chapter 4.15
"Goodbye"

Chapter Index

Storm Front is © 1998-2011 by SF Writer (Tyrel "Rock" Wolf)
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